Sunday, December 24, 2006

Aren't You In The Christmas Spirit...

"Men Lie, Women Lie, Numbers tell the truth..." Jay Z

Well another Christmas hits me tomorrow and I can honestly say that... I don't know I just felt like saying that... So I went to 4 Christmas Parties last night and no I didn't get pulled over. No Checkpoints where I was traveling either. But I live a life of double "sidedness" I was a bar with the skateboard, punk rock white boys, that pay for everything... Its the rock band I used to manage but they are somewhat defunct... due to lack of how do I say "exposure" They aiight but I ride wit Maroon 5 for life... That's two different ends of music. But they be aiight.... That was actually my second party but the first one was at work... It wasn't a party I just made it that with my excessive drinking my shift drinks....

I must say my tolerance is still high and it took all the way til the 3rd party to be full blown "Troy"- My Alter Ego... So the third party was at the Monday Klub with the Frat and not so frat... There was this girl there that approached me that looked like Elise Neal (Damn... if she caught me early I would have held a conversation)... But she stood there while I offered a shot which she denied but said she wanted a glass of Merlot (I want to say something about that but I'mma... say that shit... She thought she was grown drinking MD 20/20 closest cousin...) that was like bottle shelf Merlot. She poured me a little into my empty shot glass and for some reason I began to stumble around the club asking people for change singing church songs from my child hood and then pointing and yelling at people who didn't put change in my hat... ( now you know that didn't happen but you get the point)

She waits and waits like I was going to pay for her drink.... But I hit her with my OOOO so classic line: " I don't buy girls drinks because I don't want you to think that I trying to get into your pants." She laughed and spit out her booze... I'm a sucker for women with white teeth.... It was of course dark but still they were bright... But she was fine and as usual when I'm approached I'm drunk. I walk away and tell her after she buys her drink to come holler at me... she does and that where the Elise Neal Comment comes up... She cracks up... and then the conversation gets dull... She started talking about her kids... Sorry but I don't babysit anymore cause you know that's what she was looking for... I walk away like I gotta use the bathroom but I just relocate... She sits down... Then picks her next victim in some Cliche 2004-Present Negro. (Could have been frat but them niggas can get clowned to)... He had on the blazer with a button up and loafers and jeans... there were 12 other niggas dressed just like you... But not me... I rocked the pumas jeans and the LRG... I was going for the skateboard look even tho I can't ride.

So I end up leaving then I venture to my last stop the after hours joint which was like 60 miles away. Should have went to Ohio but I only paid for drinks when I was with the black folks (niggas).

So I get there and on my way I'm drunk dialing... so if you got a phone congrats if you didn't you know you wasn't gonna answer. I think I lost a handful of friends but hey fuck em.... I get there and no ones there... I drink and talk shit with the host and then I bounce back on the ave. Of course I wasn't driving, my DD was and shout outs to Outlaw...I make it home and sleep til like 3:00 when I'm awoken by 6 phone calls that I was trying to ignore.

Oh but before this all started I was on my way to class on... Thursday and I usually get a snack from 7-11... I didn't cross the street at the crosswalk but in the middle and there's this Asian mofo ahead of me... I ain't paying him no mind. He starts walking fast (bitch). turns around and says... " You got a fucking problem..." I say chokingly " No motherfucker you got a problem" he keeps on walking and turns again and says it again. " I think he may no karate but you did to" I want to whoop his ass for tough talking but that's all I need to be in jail for the holidays. Now here's the topper.... He walks into my building and I say loud enough " Don't you feel dumb we going to the same place." I go into class... and then get a drink... he tries to apologize and I tell him " You could have handled that differently cause you can get ya ass whooped, stabbed or shot for tough talking in America nowadays....You got that one... but watch yourself... and no I don't accept your apology because your view is beneath me." I walk away... There has been a guy robbing but the way he was dressed he should of robbed me... sorry mofo.... I was in formal hood wear but I'm 6'5 230 and I could see why a 5 foot Asian who probably knows no karate whatsoever would be scared... So "Fuck you very much"

Now enjoy the holiday and check up on ya boi... Merry Christmas...

"I've been searching for a bull that's been crapping around here and I think you know where he's at." ib

Thursday, December 14, 2006

Contemplating My Future

"They say attitude determines your latititude... so if it does that means I'm high as motherf-cker fly as a motherf-cker..." Kanye West

WHASSUP!!!! The other day I was meditating (no hippie junk just no tv no phone, no nothing and staring at the wall) and I was trying to picture my future... I was trying to picture what I'd be doing , where I'd be and I as usual couldn't visualize it. I even went as far a seeing my kids and seeing the possible wife and job... She had no face don't worry because I don't want to get all hyped for nothing. Actually it was Nia Long but that dream has reoccured since I was 14... That got me to thinking... Whoever she may be... what is my future wife (if I gert married) doing at this moment...

She could be: a stripper paying her way thru school and become a sucessful lawyer. Now just think you could never take her to the tittay bar because erybody knows her. The dj sending shoutouts and the bouncer is all huggie dovie with her... now your thinking is there something you need to tell me? she could be wearing clear heels at this moment or working the vegas strip... or just be a straight up hoe.... Like that commerical from comedy central when they said " Before settling down Mary Jane had sex with 426 guys..." I for sure don't want that but its not a bad thing...

She could be a sucess when I meet her... good for me then... less work trying to buy the lavish things and more of enjoying the things that I like... Thats far off because that vision is blurry.

Maybe she has a kid or already divorced... I want to do this as something fresh for both of us so thats blurry too...

She could be like an exotic princess who I dazzle with my culirnay skills and she makes me heir to the throne of Zamunda.

My crib was tight and it was nice because thas all I expect... but this future signifgant other bothers me... it could be a close friend... and new friend, and old friend, or a coworker (eww a caf lady... ah hell nah). I wonder what shes doing at this very moment.... hopefully she is getting her stuff togeather becuase I am.

"I send no subliminal shots... I just speak the truth..." ib

Monday, December 11, 2006

It is All A Front...

"Others will copy me but repeat my shit sloppily..." KRS One

What's Up... Well I've been on the new job for a week and I have no complaints, just getting a feel for the joint to see what it's like and to see how this operation works. Its pretty easy and I'm usually gone by 12:45pm... It Works for me and I get to delegate people who are 3x my age. I know what your thinking how I'm gonna boss around somebody Grandmama. Hey If I don't she'll be out of the job. Now I've seen a lot of drama or that leading up to drama in the kitchen area and I must say that its all pretty much lame. The HNIC noticed that I was lifting heavy 4 inch pans for some of the ladies... So she got tough talking to the lady and was like: " If you can't lift 30 lbs your out of the job..." So the lady cried and apologized to me... I'm no jerk but it wasn't that serious.

The HNIC has been real nice to me as of lately and I feel the this is a bull shit act coming up soon... Think about it... your in a relationship for a while and 3 months in your signifigant other has unloaded the baggage.... not only from the carry on but also the uncarriage of their plane... Some times it comes quicker than usual, like after an hour or 20 minutes of meeting someone... For instance with me, my lastest favorite question is: "Are you crazy?" and if they immeadiately answer with a prompt no, you know that's some bull. The common answers are: "I like to give space" or " I'm not like other girls" or the granddaddy of them all "I don't have time for that." So many women use that... all this goes hand in hand with your boss they will never say they are a bad supervisor (girlfriend, boyfriend, booty buddy, friend)...

They will never say that they overwhelm their employees (signifigant others, give em some space) and they will never say they will do their employee's jobs if they slacking (masterbastion, jk)... I understand that you want to be all cute and cuddly in the begining, then reality kicks in the kithchen is messy (your bed is undone), you show up late to work (you miss and important occasion), or you need to make a critical decsion like promote or fire somebody (go to vegas with the crew or stay and watch Love Jones on DVD)...

The Movie I heart Huckabee's is a good example of this... if you haven't seen it, it pretty much describes how everything is everthing at one point and nothing is attached. It techinically is true but in the long run everything is the same... My blog was hot when I started and you know it, now people read this or not and say "Where this nucca been at?" Well what the hell ever... Every relationship you are involved in from the begining to about 4 months laters depending on the scale of things is front, point in example:

Babies and Parents: Your Parents put up with your shit until you learned your first cuss word after that it was no more aww isn't he cute and cuddly but more like say sometheing else in public to embarass me and Imma buss that little ass.

Boyfriend and Girlfriend: Aww you complete me and you understand all the things wrong in my life... 3 months later boyfriend is still obsessed with beer and sex, girlfriend wants to shop and always be out to eat. (Realize your vain and I'm not talking about you ;-) )

Married people, lets have sex sex sex... wife realizes that this is all this mofo wants to do after 6 months.... she tendsto get bored and so does he so after 6 months they file for divorce for what, you guessed it, Irreconcibile Differences or whatever....

Friendships: He's your boy at first and then every thing the nigga does is annoying, chewing gum, talking, just be a wack dude... I am not talking about naybody who read this blog of course, lol.

Boss to employee: You are here because I hired you, a week later: " Niggga You Still Ain't Got It"

You know what I mean and its all a front in the begining so you need some time to feel a mofo out to see what they about... that ryhmed. stay blessed.

"Your role as a father is to keep your daughter off the pole..." Chris Rock

Sunday, December 10, 2006

You Know who you look like?

"Sturggle Another reason to show that God love you..." Lupe Fiasco

Hello folks, I apologize tremendously for leaving you yerning to read my blog... I got to stay fresh but with this new job I'm either sleeping or wishing I was sleeping... So without further a do here we gooooo....
So on to my topic: at first I thought people saying I look like a celebrity was aiight but now it's gettin a little out of hand. It all started in Highschool. I went to a predominantly white school so besides thinking that they think that we all looked a like in the school they always compared me to Chris Tucker. Ok, Friday is one of my favorites and Weed Smokers worldwide and minus the fact that I had a 'fro was enough for people to say I look like Chris. We have a lot in common... We are both clebrities (in our own right), we both make people laugh, we both talk high pitched when we want a point to get across. But we do have major diffferences: he can turn down $20 million dollar movie rolls (I would only turn down a gay porn), he can get random people to help get rid of their weed, and he can make funny of Chinese people and not get karate chopped. So I feel that maybe a picture or a quick glance can have many mistaken.
Then this summer has brought on a new one to me... Chris Webber. Another Chris I think would be a cool dude. He's just like the other Chris, he smoked weed at one point in his life and that's enough said on that. The niggas taller than me and used to day Tyra Banks... I'm shorter than him and I used to date... let me not name drop, lets just say she wouldn't be on America's Next Top Model but maybe as a guest on her show for "Crazy Chicks who Will Attempt to Mess up a Nucca's Life" Women love dude and women love me too but I don't have a fan club outside of my house. He can dunk I can dunk, he gets invited to rap videos, I get invited to house parties by maried women I go to school with. He has a chance to win a NBA championship, I won the New Castle County Men's Summer League Division B ( we got a $10 gift certificate, he gets like $48000 a game, no comparison). Well those lasies said it was good thing so whatever but I don't get any play off of that. I look like I should play basketball but I woulnd't even make the JV team at your local Y nowadays.

The last and partially the most akward one I've heard was Andre 3000. Yes Dre from outcast. It was a Chef at my school who was in passing and was like you look like Andre. I was thinking Andre could be the janitor at the school or a man who fixed his car one time but he shooted with Andre 3000 from Outcast. Now I am huge Outcast fan (Aquemni top 10 cds of alltime) but "come on" this nucca couldn't be serious. He probably would have said anything or anybody like "you look like Jamal my neighbor." Note to white folks we all don't look a like. That's why I beleive that a lot of crimes may and can be mistaken identity. Just think If I was in a line up of these guys and one of us decided to rob an old lady and she saw us... She would pick me becuase I got the least amount of money. Let me stop... This nucca can rap and somewhat sing... My album "Future Elevator Music" Drops this Tuesday in my shower. He has a hilarious cartoon show, I watch the boondocks whenever its on. He got with Paula Patton in Idlewild, We won't name drop once again. He has platinum album sales I have about 6 people who read this site and that includes myslef. nUFF sAID.

Now all these dudes probably have many groupies and I might to but they haven't thrown any panties at me in public. They are all rich and famous ( I haven't hit that plateau YET). They all have money, cars, entertain folks, and are recognized worldwide. I have some money, I technically have driven 22 cars since I got my license, and your reading this and laughing so we are even. U be the judge: Who do I really look like but the most important thing for me is who Do I want to be...( that touched your heart and you know it)Now its hard out here for someone who gets comparison to these famous folks but hey, all 4 of us are sucessful in our own right and I have never been compared to Emerill Legassey so Gusess wht I'm going to be the best looking chef and maybe the next comparison to a future inspired blogger. Stay Blessed.
"I've got 3 words for that... Oh Hell Nah..." Cheez
Recipie coming soon.

Monday, December 04, 2006

This is the First Day of the rest of your life....

"Don't watch me, watch tv..." Juelz

Good Evening.... been getting a few complaints since I have no time but I'm going to write as early and as often as I can so be irriatated if you wish.. at least I know I've been missed.

That quote (the title) never made sense to me... It should be unsaid like "It's always in the last place you look" or "there are plenty fish in the sea." The title could go for everyday, I mean isn't the next day always the first day of the rest of your life... or when your looking for something some jack ass always says "it's always in the last place you look." Obviously Eintstein. The latter is the same and comparing women to fish is not the most flattering thing, if you know what I mean even tho some of ya'll can freshin' up. My musk and your musk are 2 different things. If your offendend by that then you stink. Just like when some says hoes or bitches, only hoes are bithces get offended. Or he dresses gay... looks like a duck, walks like a duck, guess what you fly south for the winter, keep it moving pimp and pimpetes don't let words effect your mental or physical for that matter.

So after my mini tirade about those oh so hate quotes I bring you my first day on my new job/venture. Its early but its easy and the day goes by fast. I know their gonna hit me with some hard stuff one day but until that happens lets just. I get there by like 6:00 and I got like janitor keys, I fiddling thru my keys having to unlock erything. Its all turning on ovens and being sanitary and heating food properly. I feel like me being or trying to be a chef is minimal because it's alot of heating up and placing in warmers... well at least the benefits are good and I don't have to be chasing and running all over the place. Got to re read my sanitary manual before somebody gets food poisioning. My assitant cook is this lady named "Tanna" I think. Sound black but shes white as rice in a snowstorm. She's slow as all hell too... My ood temp dropped at one point cause she didn't run my food. Okay you probably like give granny a break but her ass read the job description put a pep in the step. She needs to drink some Ovaltine or whatever they drink. The other ladies I'm extremely worried about they drink soda all day... I kill the water so I don't pass out from heat exhaustion becuase my ovens (my? lol) are at 350 and up all day and there are 8 I'm surrounded by.

They kicked one lady out of a locker and put me in the first locker. I felt flattered but felt like a bully almost casue she had to go to the bottom row (does she read this? no... so f*ck her) Let me stop talking bout people. But foreal...

I was tired but you know I got down so it's nothing to me... Anyways the day was over by 1:30 and I was home to pick up the kid I mentor and we kicked it until I couldn't take him no more. Came home took a power nap and did some ab work. So this is what I will probably do for 5 years so I can collect the pension on ealry retirement. I wear scrubs and I'm the only one who changes because if there's an accident on the side of the road I don't want to be mistaken for a doctor and have to save people. All in all I'm good and I hope you are too... have a good night, day or whatever you do and I'll holla atcha tommorow....

"I'm not a doctor I just play one in a highschool cafeteria..." ib

By the way I'm automatically signed up to the faculty basketball team because I'm 6'5 or something but I might play like dude of the Office and straight suck so I can sit down... The breakfest went up 131 from the last and my manager said it was to me because people called out sick and I had to serve food. I don't even make eye contact with them girls cause clearly that's jail time and R. Kelly is no role model of mine!

Friday, December 01, 2006

Keep it Funky Friday

"Dear Mr. Toilet I am the Sh*t... got these other haters pissed cuz my toilet paper thick..."

This is a time to vent and will do as the theme for Friday... on the radio they got soapbox Wedsneday which serves as a verbal beat down to anything on your mind... so this is where I turn into a internet thug and attack the weeks issues with my own standpoints....

Number 1: People in my class... I could easily blame these people for a bad grade, who complain that they don't want to be there so late... I payed for this class and I believe that if you sign up for something , you always have the option to quit. For instance there were like 5 slides left in the teachers presentation... One side of the class (the old heads) wanted to be done and out of the class... i honestly dislike some of those people because they think cause they know everything. You've been here a lot longer than the rest of us but don't jeopardize my GPA... The new breed (the other side of class) has a lot more enthusiam to be there. I'm in the middle, Ive been school for a year the old heads 1 1/2 and new breeds 6 months or less... I'm in the middle because I know how classes can lag all night long but there might be a certification question that could have me fail.

The verdict: Quit, don't come, You pissing me off and you get on my damn nerves, I'm with the new breed this time because you never know what the test holds, the teacher's defense "Your responisble for everything in the book." That bullshit the book is 450 pages due your job and stop being a lil ole bithc when it comes to making people happy... I could take it to the dean and have your ass yelled at cuz you want to please the people who want to leave and go lay down.

Number 2

Okay you never know anybody's situation but don't complain about a job... when you have 2 or more holla at me. Mofo's be talking bout I took a nap and I'm just real tired... My schedule has no such thing called nap. I try to keep busy or I try to maintain a busy lifestyle. People who don't like there job, or boss, or hours quit.

Verdict: Shut the hell up! plain and simple, We don't believe you, you need more people.

Number 3

People who read this blog, yea you, stop sending emails, there's a comment section, my email is for business and private use only... If you have a question or a PROBLEM with what I say come see me or leave a comment its not the hard, just click comment hit the appropriate marking section and critize away. You cool for coming but computer illiterate for not commenting. I still love you tho.

Verdict: Comment

I wanted to post some other things but the time is not right, I have a lot on my mind but the day will come when you hear them.... Other than that enjoy the weekend cuz I know I will....

" You will be on a future episode of Maury or Cheaters the way your going..." Earl (On somebody else)

"Live today so yesterday will be jealous..." ib

Thursday, November 30, 2006

Call Me If You Miss Me...

" It's been a long time, shouldn't have left you without some nieces and nephews..." Timbaland

Ambolue (Inside Joke)

Whats up my people!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Uncle Ian feels like an Uncle Tom at a Brady Bunch Convention. Oh my goodness... First my copy of Martin Season One will be arriving as the release date and my new job is gonna be cake. Oh man today was a good day. Woke up and felt like junk... Went by just how I planned. Doctors appointment, pay check, meetings, then my walk thru. I feel like a million dollars... Like dude John Mayer, I wanna run thru the halls of my high school. A nucca is real amped but today ends with a nutriton test that has a whole lot of acrynyms.

So I met the lunch ladies I work with and they were all country like: OHH a Man! like they haven't seen a finer speciman as myself in years... If I play my cards right I won't have to work hard at all... benefits are riddicoulous... They got benifits that even cover your dog. Personally I don't own one but when I do that little nigga is gonna be healthy as a bitch. Or she'll be healthy as a bitch... no pun intended. They all wanted hugs, I guess they think that I know gourmet or something but with their supplies its pizza and cheese burgers daily. The recipie I promise will be up next week so stay posted.

The Prinicipal told me to take my hat off and where's my student ID... I grinned and she said gosh your young... So maybe I could go back an be the star Quaterback again. The school is 2400 student body with 180 faculty about 900 eat so its not that bad... I'm amped I'll be there 6 am Monday Morning so you know I gots to sleep Sunday.... Yo son I feel like swimming in the Brandywine (hell nah, I don't want any pieces of me falling off)... But you know what a nucca mean... Them little 14 yr olds was peeping too... I ain't leaving the kitchen unless a bear ( a 800 lb one) attacks the kitchen cuz you look or bump into one of those little girls you will definatley be talking to officer Moody (on duty state trooper) Other than this I gots nothing... I love ya'll...

" Dear Mr. Toilet this job is the S*it..." Lil Dayne (Remix Version)

Stay Blessed, Holla Atcha Boy!!!!!!!!

Monday, November 27, 2006

You Should Really Stop Doing That...

"If you see the look in my eyes, you see I be a gangsta till I die" 50

Hope your holiday was good... mine was great, I'm riding cloud nine, I guess with all that's going well for. Hope it keeps up like this to bring me into the new year. Cuz last years new years was me owing my former housing complex $700. F*ck it. Today had me preparing for a new job and planning the coming weeks ahead, so I don't get caught up or fall behind. I drove a hour away to get fingerprinted. They got this digital screen that reads all the stuff r ight there, I was fascinated by the technology. I wonder if a alarm goes off, if somebody who commits a crime comes in. What if it did, It probably be like some N*gga Alarm. All the walls would drop and like 30 cops would run up on you with billy clubs.

Well thats not my story. My point is this epidemic that we black folk call "dancing". Now I've participated in this coonery for far to long. I'm going back to the two step because its simple and goes to any music. My first one I have a problem with is the infamous Jim Jones "ballin" jump shot. Its not in the video and I didn't see it until I went to a party at DelState a few months ago. Ya'll know what I'm talking bout... Now everybody is doing it... The New York Giants do it after a celebration (that was cool) the kid I mentor does it when he proves a point (okay, a little much) the old black lady in the supermarket today (wait a minute). I was shocked, I almost peeed my pants (not really, it was funny as hell tho). Not only did she not have all her teeth... She had on FUBU. Next thing you know they gonna be doing it in church.

You Know they will, I saw a girl poppin her back in church one night... its cool because we all knew her ass was at the "porty" last night. Yea I said 'porty'. I saw one dude doing the pop lock for Jesus this one time it was crazy. I'm so serious.... I've seen the running man, the heel toe, the "Tabernacle Shake" (Harlem), even the Motorcycle. Next up Chicken Noodle Soup with some grape juice and a craker on the side? That lady made my day... She said something to this younger looking girl and was like "ballin". I went thru the stages of Shock, Laughter, then Denial. The Shock part was like that did that just happen moment, then the damn that was kind of funny, and Like wait a minute I was doing that at homecoming. BET favors this connerism. They show all that junk all day and then be like stop the violence.

Another thing that bothers me is the grill epedemic. I took my Menttee to the flea market ( he wanted some BAPE gear, I know its fake but when you young it doesn't matter til the kid at school say something slick then you at recess fighting for your mama's attitutde for saving and you get suspended because your Nikes really were Sikes and the punk bully aint got a toothbrush to get the yellow crayon he was chewing off his teeth... flashback moment sorry). So I was browsing and I peeped a jacket that I would wear but what caught my eye was the grill shop. It was a little Chinese lady: my first thought was, she ain't got no DDS, my second was wear in the hell do you get fitted.... Supposedely I'm a herb, my menttee explained to me that you can pop those in. F*ck if I knew. Why would I do that tho? how many folk done tried these on? Thats nasty. Then it was the WTF moment. I saw a red neck, then a Mexican, then a 3 yr girl (you know she was black) on they wall of fame. I nearly pissed my pants again but I didn't I held my laughter into but I slipped a "oh hell nah" in there. Now I wanted one like a summer ago but one I wanted a real one and two I wanted to be done by Paul Wall or something not Chan Li's Grandma (I went to school with a Chan, so don't trip and call anybody). We need to stop all this mess.

If I ever catch my litttle sister with a grill I'll shake the coon out of her faster than a Mexican running thru a open gate in Texas. I have no problem with grown folk wearing them but don't put em in yo' baby "mouf". I think some women, I said some now, look better with em... it covers deformities. So on that note we ne need to stop this mess and get control. I am never against a good time but watch your grandmas and lil cousins.


"Yo her breath was smelling like hot garbage set on fire and then she licked some dog poop..." Big Mike

RIP to the Guy Who was Killed before his Wedding up in NY... My condolences in the air to his family.

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

Hotel Olympics

"If this is your first time hearin' this...You are about to experience something so Kold, man..." Kanye

I'm back, you miss me? Prolly not, well I'm here to scratch that itch of humor for the day. I apologize for not posting yesterday. I had to do some volunteer hour for school and thought this was one of the best ops for me to do so. So with out further ado hear we go (go), just kidding that was funny and you know it !

So 'yessaday' as my mechanic from Virgina would say was nothing but me serving the commmunity and reppin' my current school in the hotel olympics. I was a judge/offical and I laughed about 205x approximately. So the gay activities director at my school picked us all up in the school van at school and took us to the Philadelphia Convention center. Now this event didn't start 'til 2:30pm and we were there at like 9:30 and set up was over in 1/2 hour. So I sat around and awaited this highly anticipated event. So they offer us lunch and all the black folk including myself attact the meat platter and start picking. It was like vultures on dead carcas. It looked typical like black people ain't ate in like 4 days. The token white girl was in that joint to... knowing she wanted extra mayonaise.

So the teams (local hotels) start arriving like a parade... hooting and hollering and playing music coming into the convention center. I'm amazed that so many people are amped about their hotel jobs (but its just like college without a degree, pro sports without millions of dollars and me being the greatest blog writer without people reading this). Its the competive side and I read in my human resource class at both schools that stuff like this boost morale. So picture the bell hops, maids, security, pool attendant, front desk clerk and the guy Moe with a wrench who can fix a broken toilet with a napkin(oldschool).

The first event was the pie eating contest... this has absolutley nothing to do with hotel it was just to see who can mush their face in a pie the longest. Now the guy I was watching took my advice and got on his knees (pause)(This lady in our office just farted and she never says excuse me). My dude won off of my advice and finsihed 3 pies in 7 min I think. Mofos started bumrushing the stage and yelling I felt like security at a rap concert.

So after all these ex-drug addicts (Dear Jesus forgive me for saying that...), got at out of all that they marched to the competiotion areas. Now all the games were hotel related now except mine (we'll get to that). There was the blindfolded bed making, toilet bowl cleaning or something, room service, and bell hop racer. Then there was fajita toss and bocce ball and all this other stuff like Hotel Idol where they had someone from their hotel sing and they got voted on(i SHOULD HAVE JUDGED THAT). So my game was the second to last game and one of the deciding games of the contest.

Now its called financial trouble, the rules are simple: put on those DUI goggles, spin around a bat 10x, and answer 4 math questions. Okay remember these are the people who cleaned up your vomit from the wild night out in Miami. So one of the math problems was 128/4. I don't know that sh*t if I didn't spin around but some people got it right. One lady came in drunk cuz I smelled the Mad dog 20/20 on her breath she spinned around 5x and I damn near died. Another lady was right down the time keepers number:1001, 1002,1003, 1004. She actully put that on her sheet. ADD has spread rampid thruout America. So another lady has dislexia and put everything backwards. Me and my boy Will thought that there was going to be a fight. One dude got mad at me because he didn't understand the rules. The main judge did all the talking and I just counted the spins... He got real animated, I would hate to have to lat out the guy who parks my car at the hotel but I felt the urge at one point.

But the person who got me was the guy who was alloted the power and started delagating but when shit went down he took over like he parted the Red Sea. So his fruity booty ass was taking my job and I laughed because he was super extra. So the day ends, I steal a pie they didn't use because they was giving them away. They then ask us to clean up... I begon to think there are like 50 maids here. get them to work! But as fate prevails they let us go. And The one thing I learned yesterday was that hotels workers are animated and the only way I'm going to compete for my job is if there is an incentive for winning.

"I thank Jesus everyday for you..." ib

Have a safe holiday and remember turkey is good deep fried. Stay blessed.

Monday, November 20, 2006

Ad Lib to Get my Point Across

"Never disrespect women cuz I love my mama..."Talib

Greetings... Now let's get down to business there are alot of messages that go unheard let alone remembered so I was thinking last night why not have ad libs to get an important point across? Rappers do it along with some singers and you remember what they say all the time. It's not like a studdard or even a repeat of a word its an ad lib. So when you read this kick a beat in your head and think Young Jeezy, Jim Jones, Diddy, or Beanie Sigel... some of the greatest ad libers of all time. Or just think of me trying to sound like a rapper

Let's practice (practice), you think you got the hang of it (hang of it) now let's get to work baby (work baby, yea!)

First I want to congratulate my kids, not my offspring but the kids I coach football to for winning the GWYAA Championship of 2006 27-0 (nothing, yea) over the Panthers... It was an all around great game and does this mean I'm special teams coach of the year?(year year year).

Secondly, I would like to give a shout out to myself for getting a new job that fits my scheldule and future (future). I am the head cook at middletown highschool (go to school). I think this will be great practice for a possible future in catering(u know I can cook man). Also shout out to my sister who got a new job in our nation's capital (Bush doesn't like black people). That's what she wanted and thats what she got. So this was a great present for me and Sunday was a great day (yea)Oh yea shout out to those MEAC football Champions of Hampton University (my extended family).

Now down to my message ( a one two, w one two). Thursday was a slight night out with Thirsty Thursdays but I should have saved my 5 dollars for gas or something (should have). But I went to this joint called the Collesium (what). One of mt frat brothers was DJing and I wanted to show some support. I live right around the corner (yea) so I went. My message to the owner:

If I can't wear a hat in your club/bar/hole in the wall, then Bunquisha shouldn't be able to walk out the house looking like a pitbull in a dress (pitbull in a dress). She put no thought into her costume, I mean outfit and she pretty much was not a reason why I came ( yea). No disrespect to her but you said I can't wear a hat in your fine establishment but there's a dude with a white tee and another guy rocking fubu (no way man). Fubu? You can't be serious(fubu son). I haven't seen fubu on anybody since I saw a Mexican trying to hop the fence into the U.S. (uh huh) that Just tells me whos up on fashion (not you).

The movie theaters are crazy now-a-days, I think we paid $104 before we got to sit down and there were 2 of us (us us us). I'm confused, when in the hell did the movies cost 11 bucks a head (damum). SAW 3 was allright but the first one is the best (oh yes). Can't wait til SAW 9 ( uh huh). The reason why there is so much piracy is because I can watch a bootleg of your movie for $5 from Joe the African on the corner(corner). Instead of paying $11 for a ticket to see it once on a big screen( 100 inches). Lower the prices because actors work hard but the people who see there movies work just as hard or even harder (harder).

I really have nothing on my mind (mind) at this time (time) except have a good day and I'll think of something better to right about tommorow( its all good).

"When I look into the mirror I see perfection..." -Cheez

Thursday, November 16, 2006

Chronicles of a Hotdog Cart Owner Part 1

"in one way or the other, I'm a bad brother, word to the motherf*cker..." Easy E

Whaddup? For those of you who don't know I am well defined specimen but besides that I own a hotdog cart. That was my means of income for 6 months between July and Novemeber in 2005. That's right I owned a cart. Don't Hate! There were a lot of characters that came by and there were a lot of people who'd give dumba*s advice. So I picked 2 stories that I want to share with you now.

No Pets Please:

Story #1 :
I was located by the hospital, right across the street as suggestion from my mother due to lack of food vendors in the area. The cafeteria was really the only place to go and the food was to expensive. So oppourtunity is the first thing a business man has to recognize and capitolize on that. So I got my spot and made decent money.

There was this paticular day where it was hot as all hell but this older lady strolled up to the cart and she had on a trench coat. A long a*s trench coat that was not necessary for that day. She had a laundry cart that carried a bag and a dog. So she started asking questions being nosey like old white people do and I answer majority of her questions. One of her questions was about what school I went to? I hit her back with Hampton Universtiy and she looks taken back like "what the f*ck" look. And She asks just like this "So your not a highschool drop out?" What in the world does that mean. Why I got to be all that? So I say nah and kind of laugh it off.

She then talks about how people think your a highschool dropout when you drive by. In my mind: Do people have that much time to analyze or over analyze the situation and think that I am highschool dropout? Hell nah! So she goes back and forth asking questions like the cart history and where I'm from and crap like that. She tells me she wants another plain dog with nothing on it and I charge the same for the bunless dog. She then breaks it up and gives it to her dog. She Then pops her trench coat collar puts on some big old cataracts shades and tightens her hat down. Now that neighborhood is worst now then it was then so maybe she was a psychic because she starts talking bout the shooting range and how this neighborhood is going to get worse. She then opens up her trench coat and reveals a 9mm! I thought she turned creepy and was about to pull a Pee Wee Herman but thank God it was a gun. I couldn't have taken old saggy boobies that early in the morning. She starts rambling on how she packs her gun and goes to the range to shoot everyonce in a while.

That was the last thing I thought she would whip out, bootleg dvds, gold watches, sausage links, her boobs, not a gun. She could have capped me and took off wit $200. She could have bussed a cap in my a*s. Crazy

Story #2:

So as usual I'm sitting on my crate waiting for customers and this paticular day some big n*gga rolls up with his pitbull and orders"6 dogs, 4 with out the buns" In my mind: How yo big a*s gonna order more food for the dog than your self? So I charge him the regular and that mofo scarfs down his two and the dog takes his like they was racing. He then orders another one realizing that he was a big n*gga and junk (like 6'6, 330). Enhales that one and I'm like Chris Tucker in Friday on his a*s: DAMN!!! This is like 2 minutes passed and I've seen 7 dogs disappear with no problem. Dude hardly says anything, he chunks up the duece and disolves into downtown Wilmington. That was like some Kobayashi junk.

Later that day this lady rolls up and has a dog too. She orders 2 for herself and 1 for her dog. It was a golden retriever and looked frail as hell. She then commands it to sit. She pays and walks over to the edge of the parking lot. I assume that she went to sit down and feed the dog but after a few customers come by (5 minutes later) she still hasn't given the dog the hotdog. I'm confused then you hear this erupting noise of "Sit down" "You better knock it off" and "What is your problem." In my mind: I don't think he understands you lady. Poor f*cking dog, doesn't have a chance of normalcy or just being a dog with his/her owner being a bitch. I shook my head and I think I went back to reading my book. I should have called animal rights but then I was like he'll probably bite her oneday cuz the dog will turn into a dog...

So the dog thing can be weird but shouldn't be that weird. People are funny but people with dogs are even funnier. Its like some people treat their dogs like humans... Maybe if they take some sngel dust then the dog will talk back. That would trip them out?

"can i borrow a couple of dollars..." Wesley Snipes

Maintain and my advice for the day: "they always looks better after a few drinks."

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

ib's 5 Major Differences

"I know Jesus saves my sins so why not blow dro why not sip segram's gin...." Jody Breeze

Now since moving back to Delaware from Virginia I've had 2 different groups of people I hang out with. And I've observed differneces that are signifigant and things that we all have in common. So society is broken into all different types of categories. So coming from a HBCU and moving back to Delaware you definately see the differences. The HBCU I was all over the place... back here in good old Delaware you got Trolley Square (Think Ft. Lauderdale with Bilimia).

So I bring you 5 big differces I have seen between my black friends and my white friends. (*In no way am I racist, I don't like anybody!)


My white friends will grab a keg for a house party and maybe one bottle to take shots = $80.
My black friends will buy 3 bottles of lica' (Preferably yac) and think everybody's happy=$120.
My white friends will buy me drinks until I can't walk straight.
My black friends only reach for their wallets to get their ID's out.
My white friends will think of drinking games like flip cups, kings of the cups, or beer pong (that's that sh*t).
My black friends will just challenge you with shot after shot... no creativity what so ever.

Edge: White Folk.

#2.Reality TV...
White folk got the bachelor
Black folk got the connery we call Flavor of love.
(Church: Now the ladies from the bachelor get roses to move on compared to an ovesized clock with a glamour shot on the inside, The bachelor gets a guy who is sucessful in his industry and FOL gets a washed up rapper who hasn't seen chapstick since Fight the Power. The bachelor gets educated women who hold a conversation about politics and have good a*s jobs, FOL gets hoodrat Wanifa who gets her name turned to Skrummpshush and talks about her $900 weave)
White folk got the Apprentice, Donald Trump and business savy folks.
Black folk got the Ultimate Hustler, Dame Dash and a bunch of intern rejects.
(Church: Now the Donald is madd annoying but his show is crack, on the other hand Dame Dash makes his points and personifies the qualities of a hustler but his attitude is lame, dude ain't done nothing major since Jay left. Donald trump gives challeges like Marketing for Johnson&Johnson. Dame Dash has them run around the city like interns picking up magazines. You're fired vs. Life is in the Dash, Trump has his kids and that old man and the frigid looking chick as his advice, Dash has Biggs. Trump always talks about how important something is to business, Dame will hit you with pause, no homo clause erytime.)

Edge: Push (FOL wins erytime.... WoWWWWWWWWWWWWWW but Trump clearly whoops Dame when it comes to the big deals)

#3.@ the Club...

White people dance to every song that gets played.
Black people only dance to the songs they know.
White people leave the club like they left the iron on at home.
Black people stay at the club like there's a free fried chicken give away at 3:30.
White people bring 1 other friend
Black people travel in packs that outnumber the seats in the car.
White people actually dance
Black people (dudes) look at other n*ggas in the club

Edge: Push... the Drinks come into hand with the white folk but the black women, nuff said.

#4. Childhood activities...

White people rode horses
Black people have big wheels up until the age of 13.
White people ice skate at nice rinks.
Black people roller skate down the street and yell: CAR!
White people play orginized activities on a court, field etc.
Black people hook a crate to a telephone pole and play tackle football on the street.
White people play house, tea party, pirates, capture the flag, clubhouse and school.
Black people play It, red light green light, red rover red rover, and freeze tag.

Edge: Black Folk, forget those games, it was that sh*t

#5. Freshness...
White folk will wear the dingiest asics in the closet that they done had for 3 years.
Black folk will go get the limited edition Jordan's for $135 ery week they come out.
White folk will wear the same shirt 3 days in a row.
Black folk will go shopping 3 days out the week just to have something new.
White folk will share clothes with the BFF's
Black folk rather donate their clothes then let they boy rock it harder than them.

Edge:Black folk.... your shoes show how much you take care of your lifestyle because your feet are always on the ground.

So whats the score: 2:1:2 is black:white:push. So who wins... no one because you usually miss out on a classic night or day or show f*cking wit the other one.

"I read your blog everyday..." Nia Long

Keep God first and this blog second. Stay Blessed.

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

Salute of the Week: Joke Bandit

"step back and catch my amazing graces..."

So here we go again, as I look for some consistency with the blog I bring you the second installation of "Salute of the Week". So without further ado, I would like to salute the Joke bandit. You know who you are the mofo who steals other peoples jokes and then when you repeat them you mess the whole damn thing up. Now I take a joke from people all the time (I did it yesterday) but you rehearse the joke so one you don't mess it up and two it's actually funny. Somebody at the restaurant was telling a joke in the private dining room. I was in there filling glasses with water and dude was trying to tell a joke. Maybe he was nervous or maybe he knew his joke was crap. Because hearing crickets at the end of the joke is one of the saddest American tragedies yet.

Dude had erybodies attention in the room and was sweating like a pig at a luau. In my mind: Get your bearings man, your embarassing yourself. Then the moment of truth the punchline and I just didn't hear crickets I think I heard a hearbeat, a pin drop, and a humming bird outside the window (Shout out to Ray Charles). Guy was God awful but he laughed and hit everybody with the "Oh, man" and nudging the guy next to him. He was then given the pity laugh with some eyes rolling and snickering. I think it was a group dinner party with him being the blind date to another girl. She left at one point and used the phone saying she wanted to leave. Classic. Plus it's not like public speaking man, your surronded by a couple of drunks. So Mr. or Mrs. Joke Bandit give it up until you get it right and with that I Salute you.

Joke For Dat A*s:

There was an octupus who was an amazing musican who was challenged by all types of people. So a lady brings in a guitar and the octupus fiddles with it for a few seconds puts it in tune and jams out like Santana. This guy brings in a trumpet figures out how to do it and jams like a true Miles Davis. So then this Scottish guy brings in bag pipes and he fiddles with it and looks at it and just can't figure it out... So after like two hours the Scottish guy stands up and says I got you didn't I... The octupus says no I've been trying to f*ck her for the past 2 hours.


One day there were three people. Their names were Manners, Trouble and Shutup. One day they were playing hide and seek. Manners got a tummy ache so hewent to the toilet. Trouble was hiding. Shut up was finding Trouble when hemet a policeman.
The policeman said, "What is your name?""Shut up!"The policeman replied, "Are you looking for trouble?""Yes!"The policeman fumed, "Where are your manners?""In the toilet."

"it sure is cold in this courtroom, can I have my gloves back..." OJ Simpson

Recipie of the week coming soon... paitence grasshoppers.

Stay Blessed

Monday, November 13, 2006

I Needed That

"you either slinging crack rock or you got a wicked jump shot..." Notourious B.I.G

So this pass weekend was crazy... it started off with the thirsty Thursday entry and contined the madness Friday and Saturday Night.

Well Friday I got off work (as usual) and went looking for my pops. He said he was going to be a at a restaraunt late night after a concert he went to. So I get there and its little Jamaican men drinking wine talking sh*t about everything. They were all dressed like hustlers. It was like I walked into the Jamaican Mafia meeting. So I had a glass of Jamaican wine (No such thing but it made me feel extra Jamaican sitting in the Jamaican restaurant and drinking merlot) and hit the Ave. So I go down the street to this charity event a friend one of my friends from high school is having. As usual no one's there because I'm the only one who works 20 jobs. So I make my donantion and sit on the couch, drink, and watch sports center. Some people return and we have our regular conversations of "Remember this..." and "I saw that thing..." crapola.

I get home probably at like 4:30 and get an hour of sleep because I awoken by my phone. Crack my eye to se who it is. Its a lady from my culinary class. I immeadiatley know this is going to be bad. I know her husband so thats my first thought so dude doesn't kick in my door with a gun or no gun and gets his a*s molliwhoped. So shes says hes in the hospitol. In my mind: B*tch why you ain't there? She says shes tired of him and things are going bad and he advised her to call me because out of our class I'm the only one he trust. Basically there are a couple of creepy people who are in our class. I have wondering eyes but I stare with discretion. Those dudes make it obvious that there looking at boobs and want to do something with them (straight on some old myspace predator junk).

So we are talking and I spill like Usher's confessions of my life and crap. She does the same and even tells me that her Husband knows of her year old extra-marital affair (this mofo is still with her? chick would have hit the curb so hard her grandmother's a*s would hurt). So I drunk and my mouth is loose as hell as she ask about what people say about her. The main reason why I did it was to see if there was some dirt people talk on me. Minimal and usually stuff I knew. So she hits these high pitch breaths of shock everytime she hears something that surprises her. Half the school wants her and when we go to France let me just say the place may turn in to Vegas.

So Saturday I do the same and continue my drinking after work. I go to 1717 (classy name, unclassy people) and then followed by Pan Tai for last call. So I get there and one of bosses is there with the girls from Thurday night and the bartender, Brian. We drink and I immeadiatley get bored with the "Baby and Mariage talk..." Brian and I talk about surfing (don't ask) and swimming with sharks (I swim like I ice skate, only when I have to but this cat surfs and is real animated with his actions). So we're leaving and as usual when in Delaware you want to do something afterwards. I had a half bottle of wine but didn't want to share so 3 of us went back to Reema's crib and play a board game. That was the decsion but the BORED game never got started. Brian's cussing his girlfriend out on the phone and Reema continues her talk about marriage and Brian interjects like don't ever get married!(He's divorced and even said that he would kill his ex-wife if he saw her).

*If he does decide to kill his ex-wife and they bring this to evidence, I just want to say that his premditated crime did not involve me.

So I ready to leave and Brian, I'm thinking, is trying to get some from Reema. I could care less so I take my half-drunk ass home and go to sleep. Its like 4 something, I get like 3 hours of sleep and my phone rings (don't recognize, leave a message)... Rings again, I hit ignore, Again... ignore....Again....ignore... What the motherf*ck is going on. So I answer and this lady is like, "Hi Ian, its Nikki." I started thinking like I haven't gave my number to no Nikki and no girl I've met out in like 2 days (inside joke). She goes on this tirade about Brian not coming home and junk and asking me where I'm at. Supposedly he told her I was with him...So she asks for the adress and I say I'm not at liberty to rlease that information (like I'm a news reporter or something). So I hang up and she keeps calling back (crazy). See I know you thinking turn off your phone but I need it just in case my kids call needing a ride.

So I answer and shes all pleasant but at the same time you can hear her anger. I know this crazy heffer won't give it up so I reliquish the info and hang up to call and give warning shots. No one answers so I go about my day.

I get 3 phone calls and ery body is asking what happened. I tell em and Reema says it was cool and Meg makes sure everything is cool. So supposed she busted into Reema's apartment looking for Brian who was still sleeping.... Mofo probably just wanted to get away from that crazy chick. Reema is all worried about having the chick bust her door down in the future but unless you feel or are guilty she has no reason to.

Long story short some people need help mentally and physically cuz if he talk to her like a real person she wouldn't been so agressive to finding him and physically she just needs the most beautiful thing in the world... SEX! my advic put her a*s to sleep and then she can't be mad.

"George Bush doesn't like black people..." Kanye West

Recipie will be here shortly. Stay Blessed and Remember that when you take a shower don't wear your clothes.

Friday, November 10, 2006

Thirsty Thursday (Not the Original)

"ya'll know what this is..."

So last night after I finish my final I partake in a time old tradtion with the classmates that we know as Thirsty Thursdays. I was feeling generous so I brought everybody a round. We talk politics, women, and what not. So after about 4 rounds there I cut out. Now I don't recomend nor allow myself to drive home drunk or buzzed. So I stop by the school to use the facilites and I run into 2 former class mates.

Perfect I can kill some time and I chatted with them about all the happenings. Will looked like he lost madd weight but denies (Dude looked like he took the Subway diet). So I spend like 45 min before I hit 95. Great I'm feeling cool and calm and not restless like I just downed 4 beers. Its only like 9:30 and I don't feel like going home just yet. So I head down 95 and make it home safely and then begin my drunk dialing... I call erybody and nobody answers, not even my pops (yes, I drunk dial my dad). So I get somebody and its followed with the I'll call you right back line. I sit on my stoop and proceed to take the trash to the curb. I go inside and as I'm leaving my mama is exiting on her way to work. She gives me "what the hell is that smell stare?" and I kiss her forehead. I didn't stink but I probably smelled of a keg. So any hoot I sit at the computer checking my emails and the blog (no love except from cheez and jello, nicknames to protect the innocent). I get bored quickly so I grab my jacket and walk to my car. I decide I got to go to one of my favorite late night spots "Oh Thank Heaven". I get a bag of "Chilli Fritos" and an Mango Arizona Ice Tea (crack in 99 cent can). I dap up Abdul and roll out. As I'm exiting I see my co-worker Shannon and she invites me to Pan Tai.

Pan Tai is right in that area and right by my house so I think a perfect oppourtunity. I drop my car and walk back to the lounge. Its a restaraunt downstairs and an enlightened living room upstairs. It always looks like the place is jumping but its not its just small as all hell. I grab a Hiney from the bartender, say what's up to a few folk (Delaware is the size of your county) and I give the white DJ the nod of approval for his selection and he like beats his chest like we from the same hood (doubt it). So Pan Tai is a diverse group of folk... you got the white folk who still "Bust a Move" to Young MC and the ecclectic black folk who rock to Erica Badu, good mix, like VH1 soul (now thats that sh*t). And then theres the whiteboy who rocks out to Nelly and Young Jock daily. The DJ Plays 1st Key of Lil Wayne and Birdmans new CD which is one of my favorites off that joint (don't sleep cop now). I give him the nod of approval for his selection and he cheers me with his drink. That's how small this place is, the DJ and bartender are like 5 feet away from each other. So all the people who I called during my drunk dial period are calling back and I interlude to the balcony to speak briefly.

I come back in and kill the calamari we ordered (one of my favorite dishes). So its like 11:30 now and I'm on round 8 when we decide to leave so I take that Hiney to the head and we dip to the next spot. Totally different crowd. It was like walking into Suburb town, america high school renunion. It was like the people who were in college in 198something. So I see some of white boys from highschool and just like I was suprised I was there they were suprised I was in there too. So I greet and get my next Hiney (9) and I got a tab open. I walk by this DJ booth totally different attitude. First off he was sitting down and In my mind: Is this guy as lazy as his eys? (Dear Lord baby Jesus pelase forgive me). But He played Luda's Shake Ya Money Maker followed by Boy Geroge...not feeling the DJ. (10) I catch back up to the people I came in with and Shannon offers me $20 to dance to this song. I don't an incentive to cut the rug so I go out there, I'm so drunk I don't even know what song was playing. I stand around and recognize no movement is a bad move so I move over to the bar. I try to get the bartender's attention but he's mad busy and the other Fcuker pays me no mind. So I finally do (11) and this lady nudges me. I assume she needs space so I move.

She slurs: "How U doing?" and I reply great thanks how bout yourself. Now I'm used to drunken white women hitting on me at the restaurant but this lady was all over herself. She then goes "hOw OlD RU?" I shoot back 23 and she says shes 35. So I motion to get up but she wants company so I give it to her and entertain the town drunk.She then ask "What you doing here?" ( Like it was whites only night). Told her about my friends and she ask if it was my girlfirend. I should have said yes but this lady ws to funny to let go so soon. So her names Dawn and she says she has twins. She Then grabs her enourmous Boobs and says not these tho. I dribble my beer out with laughter and she repeats herslef like 30x about stuff we already talked about. She ask about my wife and I tell her shes at the alter in 201... waiting for me, she laughs.

She then ask me to dance... I like the song (Ridin Dirty) so I comply. But before I go (12). Anyway she introduces me to everybody on the dance floor and I'm thinking this b*tch knows everybody here. So the song ends and some rock crap comes on, so I sit down. She follows and I thought this was the end of my Dawn Escapade but it wasn't. She then ask for my number and what I do, I ignore the first question like it didn't happen and she asks again so I say 911-3434 and she probably call it. She then says that shes been with Black Guys and I say thats nice. Now I wasn't the only brother in the place, there were a few token's looking to get into massa's big house (that was joke and Jesus knows that) but yea they wanted to play Chain the massa's wife to the bed (Imma stop) so I knew I wasn't alone but why me. So how can you tell someone's racist? They can name all the black people they know and not think twice. She started blurt out how her nanny was black and was like her second mother (now I just picture Whoopi Goldberg in Sabrina Sabrina or wahtever that movie was). I ge bored and she ask for a kiss. I don't want to catch anything so I settle for a hug but she sneaks a kiss on the cheek. I think ewww rabbies but I don't wipe it until I get outside for respect of embarassing this lady. She then says what type of crap is that and I tap my friend to interject.

She grabs me asking for my lighter. She know I don't smike but that was a slick move.

Todays quote:"I invented the internet". - Al Gore, former U.S. Vice President

Take it Easy, the original was better but the comp was acting up so this ones not to bad.

Rip Ed Bradley KAPsi Chapter Invisible

Thursday, November 09, 2006

Your Mother's An Astronaut....

Que Pasa Homies and Homettes

And if she is, you should be damn proud!! I never got that part of White Men Can't Jump... If my moms was an astronaut that would be a good thing in my book. Just think she works for NASA and gets to go to Jupiter and gets paid. But in my opinion NASA should be a bunch of pot-heads who tell me stuff that I don't need to know. All you ever hear NASA talk about is "You know that oxygen was found on Mars." What the fizuck? That is irrelevant man... Katrina kicked my peoples a**es, my peers are over in Iraq, and my little sister is almost 6 foot tall and you talking bout Mars. I'm far from political but doesn't NASA get a $1 billion/month to experiment? Unless Uranus has a cure for aids (no pun intended) then please shut the hell up.

There's no paticular reason for this but I just felt like rambling and that line is hilarious. He should have said your Mother's a janitor who wears underwear with the penis hole in 'em. Then that fool could have gotten mad for real. If I was playing ball and nucca came at me with some stuff I'd be like thanks man and she just got back from Pluto.

Another thing that bothers me at the current moment is the stereotype of the black man. My brothers bond and out, do you still think it's hard in America for us? Last night I was in Philly for class and I was out by 7-11, there are two stories I'm going to talk about , and one is not relevant to this topic happened. First before I go to class I usually stop by 7-11 and get a snack to hold me over for the boring lectures... So as usual I was walking and its dark and Philly is Philly and you have to be aware of your surroundings. These two "women" approach and see me, immediately pick up their pace and clutch each other, eyeballing me like I was just on America's Most Wanted. Now I had the fresh gear, of course, equipped with a hoodie to keep my head war cause it was cold. In my mind I was thinking: "The way your dressed you should be robbing me, cheap scaliwags. " I wasn't offended but it amused me and got me thru class knowing that an educated black man is still America's biggest fear.

Then there were these two punk rockers?(think Marylin Manson and Another Makeup wearing freak) One was sitting outside waiting for something and the other was in the store and even passed the guy walking in. So Punk Rocker #1 (PR#1, Disclaimer In no way does PR # 1 or #2 refer to the beautiful women and hilarious men of Puerto Rico) pays for his stuff and exits the store. I'm like 2 people back in line and Punk Rocker #2 got up from his post. Its dark once you walk around the corner towards the dumpster so I'm assuming that's where he was. PR#1 runs like helpless sissy to the window and begins to bang. He automatically assumes that the clerk is going to call for help or come outside. I laugh and think: "What a bitch?" So I exit the store and PR #2 is chasing PR# 1. He starts walking next to me like I was his bodyguard but I ain't pay him no mind. If PR #2 said something slick I would have guitar slammed his a** in to the concrete but he didn't and started yelling like those songs that you can't make out and then threw up some sort of rock on symbol. I was confused because there was nothing but air and opportunity between the two of them. Hilarious.

Anyways the recipe of the Week is on its way... Just got one more test then I plan on putting up my ideas and others. Stay blessed and remember that "there is no I in team but there is a meat, and meat can turn into a meat pie and there is definitely a I in pie."

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

Kids Are Bad

Aloha (Hello)

I was sitting here thinking of all the bad a** kids I know... That's a lot. I mentor a kid, he claims he isn't bad but he got the least amount of gold stars in the school. Not the class, the school people! I am the only mentor in the school, but how is it the baddest kid? I coach football... these kids started off bad not listening, disrespectful, and arrogant. It was like gridiron gang or something. Some of the kids have a house arrest transmitter on their ankles and others think I'm they boy and can talk to me like we that cool. They have finally realized that they can't play football and started showing some respect. They have 3 straight going in to the playoffs.

My little sister is bad but not on her way to the Children's Correctional Facility. We were bad when we were kids but damn. So this brings me to today's story... On Monday I pick up my mentee in the afternoons. He goes to an all boys’ school for free and it’s really a better opportunity to get into any high school in the state. My job is simple... I think it’s to be a black male role model that has similar steps that his life has taken? I don't know what I'm doing that’s a good question tho. Anyway I pick up get the daily report and we go up to the mall to trade in his games and get him a new pair of shoes. The principal tells me he pulled over and helped some guy that got shot down the street. He's in the church so that's his obligation, and he asked me if I would stop and no kidding I said, "hell nah." Forgive me Jesus for disrespecting you and him.

Anyway Before we leave Brother Ed (the principal, Bred) comes out and tells some kids to get off the hill outside of the hill because 1) its private property and 2) they could hurt themselves. They all look up and one lil’ bastard (Yeah I said it...) (Shout out to Leon) yells... "Shut yo' white ass up!" Now this mckie fickie had the nerve to stop and stare. Okay Bred is white as a grain of rice covered in whiteout in a snowstorm but damn. The lil n*gga could have acted like he was walking home and then came back (what we would have done when we kids) but stood there like he wanted to throw hands. Bred laughed it off and my mentee and I laughed and he was like "I could whoop all those kids." He probably could because he's like 5'8 in the 6th grade.

I told him not much talking was done with the mouth but with our hands when we were kids (I felt like pops in Friday when he was telling Craig about boxing and surviving without a gun). He then hit with the rebuttal "Everybody got a gun nowadays." That’s so true so I'm going to take Bred's method of peace and laugh it off.

In closing some parents, none that read this blog, need to choke slam they kids sometimes. I'm all against child abuse but when you step out of line that's not child abuse its "LNGW" or a "Lil N*igga Getting Whooped." I'm passing around the donation basket at church next weekend for this marvelous foundation and you should do the same. The logo is a picture of your grandma with a Rollin pin in her hands and a bandanna wrapped around her head.

Aloha (Goodbye) Stay Blessed

"I will kick your kids a** for a fee of $5." --Jean Claude Van Dam

Salute of the Week: The Joke Bandit

"step back and catch my amazing graces..."

So here we go again, as I look for some consistency with the blog I bring you the second installation of "Salute of the Week". So without further ado, I would like to salute the Joke bandit. You know who you are the mofo who steals other peoples jokes and then when you repeat them you mess the whole damn thing up. Now I take a joke from people all the time (I did it yesterday) but you rehearse the joke so one you don't mess it up and two it's actually funny. Somebody at the restaurant was telling a joke in the private dining room. I was in there filling glasses with water and dude was trying to tell a joke. Maybe he was nervous or maybe he knew his joke was crap. Because hearing crickets at the end of the joke is one of the saddest American tragedies yet.

Dude had erybodies attention in the room and was sweating like a pig at a luau. In my mind: Get your bearings man, your embarassing yourself. Then the moment of truth the punchline and I just didn't hear crickets I think I heard a hearbeat, a pin drop, and a humming bird outside the window (Shout out to Ray Charles). Guy was God awful but he laughed and hit everybody with the "Oh, man" and nudging the guy next to him. He was then given the pity laugh with some eyes rolling and snickering. I think it was a group dinner party with him being the blind date to another girl. She left at one point and used the phone saying she wanted to leave. Classic. Plus it's not like public speaking man, your surronded by a couple of drunks. So Mr. or Mrs. Joke Bandit give it up until you get it right and with that I Salute you.

Joke For Dat A*s:

There was an octupus who was an amazing musican who was challenged by all types of people. So a lady brings in a guitar and the octupus fiddles with it for a few seconds puts it in tune and jams out like Santana. This guy brings in a trumpet figures out how to do it and jams like a true Miles Davis. So then this Scottish guy brings in bag pipes and he fiddles with it and looks at it and just can't figure it out... So after like two hours the Scottish guy stands up and says I got you didn't I... The octupus says no I've been trying to f*ck her for the past 2 hours. Corny but you know that's funny...


One day there were three people. Their names were Manners, Trouble and Shutup. One day they were playing hide and seek. Manners got a tummy ache so hewent to the toilet. Trouble was hiding. Shut up was finding Trouble when hemet a policeman.
The policeman said, "What is your name?""Shut up!"The policeman replied, "Are you looking for trouble?""Yes!"The policeman fumed, "Where are your manners?""In the toilet."

"this courtroom sure is cold, can I get my gloves back..." OJ Simpson.

Recipie on the way, paitence grasshoppers.

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

I Salute You: Salute of the Week

What a static filled week. Its only three days but still... Anyways let me start off by saying I hope you vote today!

Well the title is self-explanatory. Each week from now on instead of a possible quote I want to give a salute of the week. Those commercials that say, " We Salute you Mr. Janitor who cleans the stalls..." or whatever has inspired these posts.

First up: Mr. and Mrs. Irrelevant Tattoo:

Now must of us know somebody or know somebody that knows somebody who has a lame a** tattoo. Okay examples of lame tattoos are the generic one you find on the wall and say: "I want that one" Plain and simple the barb wire around the bicep, the butterfly above the vagina, the Chinese symbol on the left arm and the Hawaiian symbol on the lower back are tired and have no originality. When I say originality have the artist put a twist to it. The mofo can draw, hopefully.

Okay the barbwire is all too cliché. It is typical for the muscle head in the weight room to bare this tattoo. Why? What the hell does that mean. Do you automatically become tough when you put this tattoo on. Or maybe its a secret society of men who climb fences and try to grab the wire purposely. Lame a**es.

Now the butterfly above the vagina. Like be butterflies die in three days. Is that describing our relationship? More than likely because what does this lame a** 3 day old creature mean. Are you telling the world that you and another 1 million college "females" are caterpillars who broke the mold and grew? No you’re just saying “I have no real artistic side so I saw this chick at the beach who had this same tattoo and it looked good on her”. That jus opened your inner lesbianism and the butterfly turns into a eagle after years of drinking and birth control.

The Chinese symbol. Now that's too easy. Do you speak let alone write Chinese? Probably not, you’re a typical American who doesn't learn anything outside of any town, USA... Be real, now you wonder why the dry cleaning man laughs at you when you wear your wife beater to drop off clothes.... You think: Wisdom He reads: Dumb retard that rode the short bus. You ever watch a kung fu flick? They say like forty words when the subtitle says "the goat was good". Think that symbol means a mythological story of an ex ruler who took it up the butt.

My favorite has to be the best because it will tell a story to your grandchildren... Grandma was a freak. The lower back with a bulls eye mark is another symbol or something that has no specific meaning. The Hawaiian symbol was a good example but be real it usually a rose, zodiac sign (be more creative), or a heart with your name. Personally reading material is not needed when having sex, if you know what I mean ;-) but yea its a good defining way to prove you got them draws.

So in the long run add a twist to your tats... I have the utmost security that no one has my 4 current and 4 future tats and if they do they are of an elite class.
So I salute you Mr. And Mrs. Irrelevant tattoo.
Bonus: the paw prints. Did a cub rape you?

Peace up Alabama Down.

Monday, November 06, 2006

I am Not a Damn Embarassment

Salutations... This weekend was crazy as usual and there's always something that I got to talk about. Well yesterday I was chillen' watching the game and my pops called me talking some crazy junk about how he was stuck and needed my help getting his car out. Whenever there is a family memebr in trouble or a friend I never hesitate to jump to their assitance. So my dad called about... lets say 30x before I got to where he was.

I get there and I look at his car with amazement... I was puzzled. Okay imagine a curb with dirt on one side and pavement on the other. I guess you can call it an unpaved shoulder or sidewalk. I don't know but my pops drove half way down this thing and got the car stuck on top of the curb.His excuse was the sun, my reasoning was "you can't drive."I was amazed that he made it that far but I immeaditely thought: "What was this n*igga doing?" I never called pops that but It was that type of moment.

My little sister jumped out and said : "I'm alive I'm alive." Like she was in a traumatizing event. That was funny in itself. I stood there puzzeled like why you call me instead of a tow truck company. So he came up with this bright idea (probably his Jamican voodoo or something) of me lining my bumper with his and pushing him off the curb. Another: "N*gga what?" moment, then I complied beacuse it was his car. So I did as he wished and the car didn't budge. In my mind: "I knew that s*hit wasn't going to work."

So he called triple A and called a tow truck company. So being the hero I am, I took my little sister to her birthday party or whatever the hell that was at an ice skating rink. Now as you probably already know I was the only 'brother' there. I looked like a lazy a** degenerate that does nothing productive daily and shouldn't have been out in public. That's all my little sister needs for the other parents to see her under dressed criminal looking brother at her birthday party.

So she asked me loud and clear : "Can you skate with me?" With that face I would rob a bank...(Please note that she would never ask me to rob a bank but if she did I would). So I coughed up the five dollars and got a rental. Now I rushed out of the house and didn't put on any socks. My mama has taught me all too well two things... "Always have socks and keep your underwear clean because you don't want the ambulance to see you like that." Unlike the bowling alley and the roller rink there are no socks for purchase or to have. Because they don't expect their "suburbanites" to come out with out them. Oh, I was expecting to be ice skating yesterday It was my number one event planned for the weekend. Yeah so I went barefoot, they were clean, I took a shower.

The rental lady was pleasant and plump and told me to lace 'em up. Now I roller skated when I was younger, that's all you could do at age 12 on a Saturday night and once in college at a party my team mates broke up, but this junk felt anything but wood. Now I see why brothers are limited in the NHL and there's like 1 figure skater that looks like she could hold a beat (if you know what I mean). So as soon as I get the skates on, adult ski only... word, less people but everybody is looking at my non-skating a**. First try is like walking for the first time... little bit of movement, timber. And instead of a new born tree this was like a major evergreen. I'm tough tho, it didn't hurt. So i got back up and tried again.

This one jerkoff parent did this Kristi Yamazuke spin in front of me to show off. What a wang, you think your daughter is proud that her daddy can out skate Nancy Kerrigan. Wait til she gets older and your still doing that stuff, bilimia, piercings and a Mexican boyfriend named Ricoare soon to follow because of her hyper father. So this other guy rolls by or skates by... and wheeeees and laughs at me... gay mofo. The other moms saw me fall and were like are you okay. They grabbed my hand but I urged them to let go because one tree falling is better than three. So they did and skated off like pros. See I've never been to a white kids birthday party. Its seems alot better than pizza hut or chucky cheese. The parents seem so pleasent and chipper. So I pass my little sister and she looks me dead in the eye and says " Stop!" I was like damn what I do.

Now they set the kids free and I was like Awwwww Sh*t. More people = More trouble for me. And some of these kids were worse than me falling hard as hell. So I made it around and my little sister was like " Stop, get off, your embarrasing me!" I was like damn what I do, then I thought no one knows we're together, go head about your business, midget. So I made 1 1/2 trips around without falling and was quite proud. So I took a seat and watched everyone else buss they a**es. It was comedy, should have taken pictures but didn't want to be extra.

In closing, let me say this skating thing got's me motivated to learn how to do it... I have a new found respect for white guys with no teeth that slap around a black puck. Also for women who wear skankalicious clothing on the ice and gay men who have a reason to wear glittered clothing in public. Its quite admirable, that junk is hard. But I'm kind of old to be trying something that requires skill like that. If I was in Highschool I would call MTV and be on Made or soemthing because no one expects that. Well that was a good expierement, My ankles are sore as hell too. I'll leave the hockey watching to drunk rednecks and figure skating fans to people who drink coco and wear turtle necks.

Chunk up the deuce.

Friday, November 03, 2006

Got to stay Fresh!

A year has passed and I can celebrate so much...
1. I've had my marketing job for a year
2. I've had my restaurant job for a year
3.I've been in culinary school for a year
4.I am one bad a** mofo for the past 23 years and 7 months.
But besides all that I need a revamping (?). I've been doing the same junk every week of every month the same.

I was sitting in class last night and I wanted to pull a "get yo hand at my pocket" moment and storm out. I was bored... My life seems like it’s passing by with no progress just the same weekly routines. I mentor, coach, work, and go to school. And my abs are back in full effect from their temporary beer vacay. That's a lot of hats and not once have I complained because I can quit all of them but I'm bored...

See white people do drastic stuff whenever they need change so that’s one page I'm not going to take out of their book plus I ain't got any money. But one thing I'm going to do is quit the restaurant job. I need my weekends back and I don't want to be there anymore. A year's enough and a lot anyway. I want to concentrate on my cooking because that restaurant is a job I want culinary to be my career. I feel that I haven't taken this serious and I spend too much money not to.

Now I wish I had one job that paid enough and was what I wanted to do and gave me time to grow as a person outside of the job but that's not my ideal profession. I like that parable or story or whatever about the Bulls:

There was a young bull and an old bull at the top of the mountain. As they stared down at the hills the young bull said lets run down and bang some of those cows. The older, wiser bull said lets walk and bang them all...

I was the young bull this past year and boy are my legs tired (j/k)... I want to be the wiser bull and walk now. My job is just that my job. My career is something greater. Now there is no quit in me... I've never folded but I have moved on. There is no present challenge that I'm not willing to face; I guess that's why I'm doing this.

My income will decrease that means no fresh shoes for a while but that's the life I choose. Stay classy San Diego and have a good weekend.

A wise man once said: "the"

I'm Gonna Get you Sucka

Well I found a picture of the mofo who stole my stereo and knife. Be on the look out for a male 5'12- 6'8 , 130- 310 lbs., wearing a white tee and blue jeans. He is known to go by Chauncey... He has a barb wire tattoo and a rose with his cat's name, Petunia, on his left bicep. He is said to speak with a thick Delaware accent and tends to studdard when excited He has a I love lamp shirt with some timberlands his moms let him borrow. Since he has my knife he is considered to be armed and dangerous. He has no car let alone a set of headphones, he enjoys listening to D4L and Tony Bennent. so be on the look out for a punk a** mofo with a stereo looking to sell it for some crack. If you have seen this man proceed with complete confidence of whoopin' his ass. and call 1 800 SNITCH. Thanks Y'all

2 fingers up

Thursday, November 02, 2006

Have you said Hi to Gene Lately?

Greetings Advocators... mostly people... What's happening. Well I just want to emphasize the importance of washing yo' a**. I heard on the radio today only 75% of Americans wash from head to toe. Well I'm not one of them because clearly I scrub the bottom of my foot too. I sit back here with kind of a writer's block... Funny stuff happens to me but I just forget until later. But this junk is not funny.

Wash yo’ a**. That's a good way to start every paragraph just to emphasize the point. I look at people and observe their actions all the time. Now there are no co-workers who read this so, I'mma talk about they ass. My feet are no Da Vinci or what every but I keep them lotion-end. There is a lately in the office whose feet look like she been kickboxing chalkboards. Yo, her customs are of a different hemisphere but lady rock open toed shoes the wrong way and you shall be clowned.

Wash yo a**. Now there's a new guy during my day job that has a scent of a dump truck late in the afternoon. I don't talk to him much but he just asked my sister if she had a plunger. I plan on holding my piss for the rest of the day, enough said. Out of the 5 men that work in the office 3 wash their hands before exiting the bathroom (That I know of). Don't shake my hand.

Wash yo a**. Clearly Hygiene is important to me. I keep a pack of gum in the car, club, work, whatever because you can't always get to a toothbrush. Especially in the club. I've had women ask me for my number in the club and this usually lands at the 1 o’clock 2 o’clock hour. That means they weave is sweat they pits are harsh and there breath is quite tart. Now don't get me wrong I can spell my breath when its funky but that's when a pack of orbits immediately discharges in my mouth (pause). You get what I'm saying because whispers aren't supposed to stink. And you shouldn't smell thru your ears. So in closing I just want to say, brush your teeth 3 times a day, floss every night, wash your face between hibernations, and get every crevice possible on your body. In other words...

Wash yo a***

Also by the suggestion of one of my loyal readers (chuckle) I will be posting recipes of the week. I am trying to be a chef. Look for one next week and every week after that because before I tell someone to do something I want to do it myself. Shout out to Miss C. Smith :-)

Also tell your friends about the blog. And leave a comment, stop sending emails. Keep it funky but Wash yo a**

Wednesday, November 01, 2006

That Damn Meter Maid

I had a chance to take out the nusance of the 100 block of Mkt street Wilmington DE. But it would be a worthless crime because then she would be replaced by some other rookie who was hungry to piss off somebody else's day. She crossed on my green light and I could have sent her away but thought of a crime is a crime anyway so this story is completey fictional. I don't even have a job in this story because if she does end up hurt or dead, I don't want the conspiracy to come back to me.

I think I'm gonna start riding the bus but that cost just as much money as gas. I would ride a bike but there's no route you could take that would be safe and I'd be damned if you caught me in a helmet. Thats the only options we got round here. Or somebody could pick me up but what if I want or have to leave... lose lose situation. The parking lot is too damn expensive nowadays and probably going to get worse so I opted out of that contract.

Today is also a joyous day... I have held not one but two jobs for a year. Thats saying a whole lot when it comes to me and work. Prior to this I worked at a restaurant for like 8 months and quit cause I was lazy. The other jobs no more than 3 months and that like 20 jobs. Well I do own the hotdog cart and thats like 1 year and 5 months so I guess I just lied. Yea and I do own a hotdog cart, don't be hating. Nothing much to talk about. Oh yea got my car back this week and driving around with head phones is wack. I used to look at people like that and laugh, now I'm my own joke. Also what's up with this damn weather? Global Warming or what.

Keep it Funky!
Shout out to Monday Night :-)

Non- Subliminal/ Non Incriminating Pictures

I don't want or need to send any subliminal messages so shout out to Friday, Saturday, and Sunday Morning they were all good times... I guess you can say Saturday Night/ Sunday Morning....

Picture of WSSU bus, I didn't take a picture of me leaking a uno on it but I did cause I was drunk.

This car looks like a golf cart but It was actually in traffic. We believe Mercedes made it... An Asian guy was driving it, they are always up on the technology. I'll Post later as well....Holla

Tuesday, October 31, 2006

I Forgot Today was Halloween

Whaddup. I forgot that today was Halloween but went to my little sister's school for their little "parade". All the kids were dressed up and even some of the teachers/faculty participated. A lot of things caught my eye and a lot of things had me thinking hard.

So at one point I was standing by myself and these two ladies came up to me and thought I was just a lonely dad. In my mind I was thinking: I ain't got no damn kids but I quickly responded that my little sister was the reason for the season. White people are so chipper in the morning. I can't deal with people well until I have my cinnabon.

Now on to the costumes. Some kids or parents are real creative, originality was off the hook. I was feeling the kid that was an ipod. That took thought down to every detail. Even the kid who had incorporated his sprain ankle in to the costume. Then came the Negro moments. This one kid had a stop-snatching shirt. His parents were wrong for that. The other little boy who had a red with zebra trim pimp costume can't even explain that to his teacher.

The funniest part of the whole thing to me is the black folks who whipped out the camera phone and started flashing away. The white people all had there high tech digital cameras with the video and super extra sleek slim Sony’s. Picture it little Roquon walking in his pimp suit and dad whips out the New Crack berry to take a picture while Amanda's dad Bob whips his new JVC mobile home theater out to tape this monumenotus occasion. Some people’s parents forgot that they had to dress up and sent them to school with a suit (Donald Trump), an apron (Cheap Super Hero), Glasses (Harry Potter), A vote for Pedro shirt (Napoleon Dynamite) or baseball hat (I don’t know what he was) Maybe cause I'm not a parent, I wasn't into it. Halloween is just an excuse for card companies to capitalize on people who actually by cards.

My mom never wanted us to go trick or treating and I was never into it anyway. The one year we did me and my cousins wore hoodies and had big ol' trash bags to collect. That’s like a job and people probably were like "let me give this Negro some candy before he comes back later and robs me". The teachers that were dressed up were, I guess doing their job but come on, One teacher was dressed up as a woman. My thought is that confuses these kids man, knock it off Why is Mr. Smith dressed like my mom?. And the one teacher as a hippie. Now the kids are going to be like "What do hippies do?" and what you gonna say except medicinal experimentation person who sits in cornfields in the 70’s and protest for the rights of cats and monkeys. That was a funny morning. Now back to work. Everybody has a funny Halloween story... don't be afraid to share.

2 fingers Up.

Monday, October 30, 2006

Welcome Home 2006

Good day again my peoples...I was in a bad mood about the whole car situation last week but there were three things that made me feel better:

1. The old lady at path mark thought I was handsome and needed to smile.
2. The Coonery we call "Flavor of Love" had they reunion special.
3. Some of the best looking women God has to offer returned to Hampton U for homecoming.

Bonus: I took a piss on WSSU bus cuz they were staying at the same hotel where the party was this weekend. Post a pic later.

Anyways, the weekend went by pretty much calm. No true mishaps but a lot of why don't you call me type stuff. The typical answer to that was I got a new phone. But people who use that never follow up. So you got to say I got a new phone and didn't put all the numbers in yet.

Shout out to the football team who won 13-3. Don't want to be that old school mofo who be like when we was playing we used to blow 'em out at homecoming. It was a sloppy game but sloppy is better than a "pretty defeat". Shout out to Dr. D for letting us stay at her crib. Breakfast every morning and no checkout time.

The parties were a big mixture of either under-crowded or over-crowded. Exactly what I expected. There used to be years when there was nothing to do at homecoming, now it seemed like there was to much. Tried the party hoping thing but that seemed tiring after a while.

As for the people I saw and didn't: There were the typical people who always say hi, regardless of what's going down. Then there's the people who look at you then look away, then call you 5 minutes later and be like: "I saw you but you didn't see me" That's Hampton for you. Then there's the, “we really have nothing to talk about” folk. Like that cat you cheated off of in Calculus and got a better grade then. Or the summer fling that gives the HBCU hug, smiles and flashbacks of the fling come to mind. Or that janitor who was cool with everybody but you thank God he forgot your name because that would be embarrassing. Or the girl you had a crush on sees you and compliments you then flashes her engagement ring and you be like damn never mind. I wasn't reckless at all. I was a tamed animal. All in all I had good time... Shout out to all my Hamptonions past present and future. Also shout out to Friday night :-) and the extra phone call I got Sunday on the way home.

Leave some love and Stay blessed my peoples.

Quote of the Week

"She know she don't need to be wearing them applebottom jeans... that's a disgrace to applebottom." -James A.

Thursday, October 26, 2006


Whaddup folks, ib here again and today I just wanted to touch on something that is going to effect the rest of my life. That’s right my career. Right now I have a job actually three and never would any of them be my career. I don't want to end up like one of my co-workers who have been serving since she was 12. Now she's 35. That would be a big disappointment. I definitely don't want to be sitting at this desk forever checking emails and crap.

So my question is, what now? I want to go off on a new business venture but with all the cost and monthly payments that occur, that is not happening any time soon. Right now I'm in a crossroads in making a decision that can and will affect my life. One path (the one I'm currently on) leads to freedom to do more. The other path has me going down the road to an eventual career. But I'm young I got the next 30 years to do my career. I should just stick with the job.

One of the Mexicans that work in the kitchen says I do too much. See, I finally figured out these damn Mexicans, they want all the jobs for themselves, its not that they want to do something the "brother man" won't do. There just like everybody else, they want you to be mediocre so you don't make them look bad. The misconception is that people think I'm doing too much but I'm probably not. I don't think I'm doing enough. I feel that I should be bigger than what I am now. I have the personality and charm (my hands are up, I'm not feeling myself) that can succeed to do great things. It’s just that the opportunity has made a pit stop at my doorstop as yet. So the answer is a simple cliché: Take one day at a time. If anyone reads this, no post tomorrow. Going back to my home by the sea for homecoming, guaranteed there would be a story to tell. So check me out on Monday. Stay blessed people.

ps. this whole car thing has got my schedule all messed up. I'm all over the place with my regular things and priorities all jacked up. Its not that the stereo and knife was a major lost but the after effects got me looking unorganized.

Out. ib