Thursday, August 06, 2009

Doubts

I doubt that anyone reads my blogs anymore but I just wanted to type...

You reach and you reach and you tend to fail occasionally but sometimes you triumph. Its not that rare you made it this far. I hate to live in a world where people judge you by who you are but if you weren't who you are you might as well not live. People claim that they know you but they don't know you they just assume from your outward appearence. I gave up on trying to fit in but I continue to reach to pass. I want the riches but I think God doesn't let me have them because he doesn't think I've learned anything yet. When will I be happy? I feel an emptiness throughout the day but I tend to fill it with artificial happiness. I remind myself of my blessings daily but the demons of failure seem to grab my good graces. I'm rambling.... but one thing I know about my self that I am good at a whole bunch of things but not great at a single one. I've lost passion for so much. I'm a robot at the age of 26. I have fallen into the matrix of mediocrity for so long. I push away my friends my grimace of discontent. I push away my family by saying everthing is okay... I created a monster that can't stay focused on one thing. I created something that is loyal to itself and no one else. Who am I?

ib