Wednesday, November 22, 2006

Hotel Olympics

"If this is your first time hearin' this...You are about to experience something so Kold, man..." Kanye

I'm back, you miss me? Prolly not, well I'm here to scratch that itch of humor for the day. I apologize for not posting yesterday. I had to do some volunteer hour for school and thought this was one of the best ops for me to do so. So with out further ado hear we go (go), just kidding that was funny and you know it !

So 'yessaday' as my mechanic from Virgina would say was nothing but me serving the commmunity and reppin' my current school in the hotel olympics. I was a judge/offical and I laughed about 205x approximately. So the gay activities director at my school picked us all up in the school van at school and took us to the Philadelphia Convention center. Now this event didn't start 'til 2:30pm and we were there at like 9:30 and set up was over in 1/2 hour. So I sat around and awaited this highly anticipated event. So they offer us lunch and all the black folk including myself attact the meat platter and start picking. It was like vultures on dead carcas. It looked typical like black people ain't ate in like 4 days. The token white girl was in that joint to... knowing she wanted extra mayonaise.

So the teams (local hotels) start arriving like a parade... hooting and hollering and playing music coming into the convention center. I'm amazed that so many people are amped about their hotel jobs (but its just like college without a degree, pro sports without millions of dollars and me being the greatest blog writer without people reading this). Its the competive side and I read in my human resource class at both schools that stuff like this boost morale. So picture the bell hops, maids, security, pool attendant, front desk clerk and the guy Moe with a wrench who can fix a broken toilet with a napkin(oldschool).

The first event was the pie eating contest... this has absolutley nothing to do with hotel it was just to see who can mush their face in a pie the longest. Now the guy I was watching took my advice and got on his knees (pause)(This lady in our office just farted and she never says excuse me). My dude won off of my advice and finsihed 3 pies in 7 min I think. Mofos started bumrushing the stage and yelling I felt like security at a rap concert.

So after all these ex-drug addicts (Dear Jesus forgive me for saying that...), got at out of all that they marched to the competiotion areas. Now all the games were hotel related now except mine (we'll get to that). There was the blindfolded bed making, toilet bowl cleaning or something, room service, and bell hop racer. Then there was fajita toss and bocce ball and all this other stuff like Hotel Idol where they had someone from their hotel sing and they got voted on(i SHOULD HAVE JUDGED THAT). So my game was the second to last game and one of the deciding games of the contest.

Now its called financial trouble, the rules are simple: put on those DUI goggles, spin around a bat 10x, and answer 4 math questions. Okay remember these are the people who cleaned up your vomit from the wild night out in Miami. So one of the math problems was 128/4. I don't know that sh*t if I didn't spin around but some people got it right. One lady came in drunk cuz I smelled the Mad dog 20/20 on her breath she spinned around 5x and I damn near died. Another lady was right down the time keepers number:1001, 1002,1003, 1004. She actully put that on her sheet. ADD has spread rampid thruout America. So another lady has dislexia and put everything backwards. Me and my boy Will thought that there was going to be a fight. One dude got mad at me because he didn't understand the rules. The main judge did all the talking and I just counted the spins... He got real animated, I would hate to have to lat out the guy who parks my car at the hotel but I felt the urge at one point.

But the person who got me was the guy who was alloted the power and started delagating but when shit went down he took over like he parted the Red Sea. So his fruity booty ass was taking my job and I laughed because he was super extra. So the day ends, I steal a pie they didn't use because they was giving them away. They then ask us to clean up... I begon to think there are like 50 maids here. get them to work! But as fate prevails they let us go. And The one thing I learned yesterday was that hotels workers are animated and the only way I'm going to compete for my job is if there is an incentive for winning.

"I thank Jesus everyday for you..." ib

Have a safe holiday and remember turkey is good deep fried. Stay blessed.

Monday, November 20, 2006

Ad Lib to Get my Point Across

"Never disrespect women cuz I love my mama..."Talib

Greetings... Now let's get down to business there are alot of messages that go unheard let alone remembered so I was thinking last night why not have ad libs to get an important point across? Rappers do it along with some singers and you remember what they say all the time. It's not like a studdard or even a repeat of a word its an ad lib. So when you read this kick a beat in your head and think Young Jeezy, Jim Jones, Diddy, or Beanie Sigel... some of the greatest ad libers of all time. Or just think of me trying to sound like a rapper

Let's practice (practice), you think you got the hang of it (hang of it) now let's get to work baby (work baby, yea!)

First I want to congratulate my kids, not my offspring but the kids I coach football to for winning the GWYAA Championship of 2006 27-0 (nothing, yea) over the Panthers... It was an all around great game and does this mean I'm special teams coach of the year?(year year year).

Secondly, I would like to give a shout out to myself for getting a new job that fits my scheldule and future (future). I am the head cook at middletown highschool (go to school). I think this will be great practice for a possible future in catering(u know I can cook man). Also shout out to my sister who got a new job in our nation's capital (Bush doesn't like black people). That's what she wanted and thats what she got. So this was a great present for me and Sunday was a great day (yea)Oh yea shout out to those MEAC football Champions of Hampton University (my extended family).

Now down to my message ( a one two, w one two). Thursday was a slight night out with Thirsty Thursdays but I should have saved my 5 dollars for gas or something (should have). But I went to this joint called the Collesium (what). One of mt frat brothers was DJing and I wanted to show some support. I live right around the corner (yea) so I went. My message to the owner:

If I can't wear a hat in your club/bar/hole in the wall, then Bunquisha shouldn't be able to walk out the house looking like a pitbull in a dress (pitbull in a dress). She put no thought into her costume, I mean outfit and she pretty much was not a reason why I came ( yea). No disrespect to her but you said I can't wear a hat in your fine establishment but there's a dude with a white tee and another guy rocking fubu (no way man). Fubu? You can't be serious(fubu son). I haven't seen fubu on anybody since I saw a Mexican trying to hop the fence into the U.S. (uh huh) that Just tells me whos up on fashion (not you).

The movie theaters are crazy now-a-days, I think we paid $104 before we got to sit down and there were 2 of us (us us us). I'm confused, when in the hell did the movies cost 11 bucks a head (damum). SAW 3 was allright but the first one is the best (oh yes). Can't wait til SAW 9 ( uh huh). The reason why there is so much piracy is because I can watch a bootleg of your movie for $5 from Joe the African on the corner(corner). Instead of paying $11 for a ticket to see it once on a big screen( 100 inches). Lower the prices because actors work hard but the people who see there movies work just as hard or even harder (harder).

I really have nothing on my mind (mind) at this time (time) except have a good day and I'll think of something better to right about tommorow( its all good).

"When I look into the mirror I see perfection..." -Cheez