Salute of the Week: The Joke Bandit

"step back and catch my amazing graces..."

So here we go again, as I look for some consistency with the blog I bring you the second installation of "Salute of the Week". So without further ado, I would like to salute the Joke bandit. You know who you are the mofo who steals other peoples jokes and then when you repeat them you mess the whole damn thing up. Now I take a joke from people all the time (I did it yesterday) but you rehearse the joke so one you don't mess it up and two it's actually funny. Somebody at the restaurant was telling a joke in the private dining room. I was in there filling glasses with water and dude was trying to tell a joke. Maybe he was nervous or maybe he knew his joke was crap. Because hearing crickets at the end of the joke is one of the saddest American tragedies yet.

Dude had erybodies attention in the room and was sweating like a pig at a luau. In my mind: Get your bearings man, your embarassing yourself. Then the moment of truth the punchline and I just didn't hear crickets I think I heard a hearbeat, a pin drop, and a humming bird outside the window (Shout out to Ray Charles). Guy was God awful but he laughed and hit everybody with the "Oh, man" and nudging the guy next to him. He was then given the pity laugh with some eyes rolling and snickering. I think it was a group dinner party with him being the blind date to another girl. She left at one point and used the phone saying she wanted to leave. Classic. Plus it's not like public speaking man, your surronded by a couple of drunks. So Mr. or Mrs. Joke Bandit give it up until you get it right and with that I Salute you.

Joke For Dat A*s:

There was an octupus who was an amazing musican who was challenged by all types of people. So a lady brings in a guitar and the octupus fiddles with it for a few seconds puts it in tune and jams out like Santana. This guy brings in a trumpet figures out how to do it and jams like a true Miles Davis. So then this Scottish guy brings in bag pipes and he fiddles with it and looks at it and just can't figure it out... So after like two hours the Scottish guy stands up and says I got you didn't I... The octupus says no I've been trying to f*ck her for the past 2 hours. Corny but you know that's funny...

Bonus:

One day there were three people. Their names were Manners, Trouble and Shutup. One day they were playing hide and seek. Manners got a tummy ache so hewent to the toilet. Trouble was hiding. Shut up was finding Trouble when hemet a policeman.
The policeman said, "What is your name?""Shut up!"The policeman replied, "Are you looking for trouble?""Yes!"The policeman fumed, "Where are your manners?""In the toilet."

"this courtroom sure is cold, can I get my gloves back..." OJ Simpson.

Recipie on the way, paitence grasshoppers.