Wednesday, March 28, 2007

Just Cut my Damn Hair...

"You can't beat me 'cause you ain't man enough nigga
I look him in the eye and tell him man up nigga
You really getting money? Throw a grand up nigga
Wanna fight? You should've hit me when you ran up nigga..." TI

How's it hanging? Guess good cuz your bored enough to read this... Well I just got my hair cut and I';ve been in the midst of finding a new barber because the last one dug deep into my head the one before that didn't know what an edge up (shape up) was and left me wit a spot one weekend. Now its crazy but I do have a top 5 baber list and one of em will never be able to bless my head again but he was the best (RIP Zeb), Then there's Cliff, Will, Carlos and Perk... Cliff is back in Texas this nucca use to come to my house when I live in VA... Showed me haow to whoop nuccas quick in chess. Carlos is in VA and my college teamates was ready to whoop him one time but never happend... Will is in Miami, nuff said... Perk needs an apointment and he getting old anyway I don't rock a pee wee anymore.

So I went to this new a dude and told him straight up I got 13 $ AND can he hook me up with a 1 blade all over... He cool, simple baber slang, I think they teach you that first at ITT Tech or something... Its not like I ever say can I get a ceaser deluxe with a Hampton and a fade to the beard because... I ain't got time for that... Or you can just point to the nigga in the picture and say I want that ... no, a one blade all over son... So the other nigga I been to realized I wasn't caoming to him and looked saudy... He had a sucker ( I mean customer) already and I was tryin to be out... Fuck em, A hair cut should have no loyalty unless its tight, man law.

So I sit down in this dudes chair and he complaing about Michael Basson on the radio talking to much and the wino chimes in and says I can't stand that suff neither man. I know the wino ain't got no radio or car so how he know or care. So He plays a cd... by the looks of dude he look like he bout to put on some jada or pac or something poetic thugish, nah mean? Nah this nigga puts on Avant... Aiight its cool but there ain't a damn woman in the place, what in the hell you bout to go to sleep or sumethin? Then he was like I ain't feelin this so he put on some cassie or something, then starting sining it...? I'm puzzled as fuck but don't want to budge cuz he might jack my dome so I interior chuckle and keep it moving... Then he was like nah and hits the next track, which is Beyonce... To the left to the left... I can't believe this nigga just said that... Not the fact that he said but the way he said it, like he practice that joint in the mirror before he go out... Then He skipped over lil scrappy joint... I've been thru my r&b phase (no pun intended) but thats ridiculous... He finished and did all right but can't even crack the top 6 because of his fake ass I'mma thug but I got that new Beyonce Cd moniker... I ain't hating but dude was pushing it like it was an eryday thing...

"At least her teeth were straight" mike

Tuesday, March 27, 2007

I'M Done with My Sabbatical...

"Homey, you all front backwards if you chasin a b*tch
Stupid - chase the paper they come with the shit ..." 50

I know I used that quote before but its the truth... And if you are offeneded by the word Bitch obviously you are one... So fuck all ya'll hoes to... Upset, well we know where you stand... See I wouldn't respond if somebody was like " Hey you light skinned mofo..." You feel me... So now that I have cleared up that situation lets talk trash shall we.

I've been busy and I lazy... I had mad junk to talk about I can only seem to sit at a computer for like 20 minutes now... I think I have CDD: Computer Defecit Disorder... I hate have excuses but its the truth... I'm somewhat bored typin this but I shall continue... Well nothin is changed at work but there was a fight wit 2 girls... My grandmother once said " You can always tell when its hot outside, niggas start acting up..." My grandmother never said that but I love when people call on the old wise people to say words of advice... So I here somebody getting tagged outside the cafe and I was like damn somebody is getting recked... So I watched for like 10 seconds as weaved was grabbed and words were said... Then the displinarian folks showed up and broke up my free pay per view... I had 3 row seats and great audio... So As I saw 5 dudes tryin to hold back a toothpick and little meatball ( thats how they were shaped) I remembered my contract about helping... There's a good samaritian rule or soemthing...

So I ran out there and I'm not a pervert I saw a boobie... okay it could have been a 18 year old boobie but I backed up cuz this job got good benefits and all she need to say is the the perverted cafe man fondled me. I let her adjust an assisted the displinarians seperate the 2 girls.... The one younger dude grabbed meatball and the nerdy dude grabbed toothpick and sperated them... Toothpick got whooped of course and to save face she yellled" She snuck me..." the white ladies were like: "What is snuck?" I told that later that is like saying sucker punch dude... but anyway her weave was on the floor... Okay u have a patch of hair on the floor and your worried about a sneak punch... If I'm still standing and you just ripped out 6 months of weave and its Friday... all hell nah... we fighting cuz I got to get a touch up... thats like me throwing hands with my barber and he jabs me then gives me a bowl cut without finishing... Now thats pushing but women got more to worry about... thats not it... after meatball was taking away she came charging back... so i did the first thing that came to my mind... tripped her... I know that's cruel but to save toothpick I had to... she could have hurst somebody...

My next thought was: These two eat breakfast... damnit, only 5 % of the school eat breakfast so there goes my breakfast portion... Oh well... I seen em later so they probably just got suspended... I'm glad they weren't expelled because now I keep 2 customers. stay blessed and stay tuned I'm back like Jay.

Congrats to all my friends who are having kids, getting married, and moving on to a new chapter, Yes you are getting old and don't worry I shall keep the strippes company... one love.

Friday, February 09, 2007

Questions I've Been Pondering

"Woke up quick at about noon... just thought that I had to be in Compton soon, gotta get drunk before the day begins before my mother starts bitchin about my friends..." _ Easy E

It s late I just got off work, I got class in like 7 hours but who cares....
I had three questions that have been nagging me all day...

1. When it says "Hows my driving?" On the back of a vehicle is there any real loser that copies the numbers and calls and says " Hey driver #3-35hoe50 is doing a great job" or " that mofo #jh5069 cut me off " That phone line doesn't even work I bet... You probably call a dead line and theres a mofo on that line laughin just to tell you your a dumbass...

2. Ever watch comicview when dude was like if your going to fire me do it the begining of the day... Well they fired another paint chip eater ( caf lady) and its fucking Friday... Nigga I will cut your ass if you knew you were going to fire me all day and then tell me when i getting off and going home. That shit could mess your weekend up... Think about it... I could get fired on Tuesday and have a new job by Friday but, you just fired me on Friday and messed up my entire weekend. I have a blade chillen in the truck waiting to snip you.

3. The question that has no reason to be followed up... If I ask " Were you at the meeting?" and you say "no" and then " Did you go?" makes no fucking sense at all... Why in the hell would I ask you... Unless its a 300 member meeting or something lets make sense. I asked you because I wanted to know what happened.

Thats all.

"Middle Finger to Life..." Weezy

Thursday, February 08, 2007

I'm not giving up...

"I stay in the hoof like carborators and engines..." G Dep

I have been disappointing the masses and the masses have turn their back on me... I know my actions are flugassey and me not posting is weak but you know whats, I aint a journalist... Take this as monthly journal.... if it is then I'm like Jay Z 5 years ahead of ya'll...

It's cold, man I can't even stand outside and pump gas its so cold.My life is parallel to the season which is parallel to women.... cold. Just kidding I'm doing aiight in that department. But There are some wacked out people I worked with... Now I got "tree jobs" but 1 I work by myself... The cafeteria is really wascked out... Okay I got 2 assistant cooks and they can't function as one person... It takes their braincells and my pinky to get them to think... Think of the cafeteria workers you had in highschool. Yea, need I say more. No but I will... They use to eat paint chips when they were kids, I know because we do the same shit eryday but still they walk around looking helpless. My immediate superior said that's how its going to be but I was hired to cook not train retards.

If your mom or close friend is a retard I mean cafeteria worker I apologize but God protects kids and fools and they know which one they are. I mean they fall behind while they work and then look around like what happen... Well you came in here and gossiped about Peggy Sue at the other school who went on vacation instead of making peanut butter and jelly sanwiches... Now I know I'm over qualified for my job (hope that doesn't get me fired) but these people must drink stricnine and let venonmous snakes bite them before they come into work... I'm not knocking their religion and I'm not saying they couldn't be anything else may be janitor aide or coloring book inspector but there aren't many jobs out there for the common sense inclined. I got more but I'm going to save it...

Now my other job is even crazier... I had to choke out the sou chef, I had to tell the 35 year career waitress that the only reason her life is fucked up is because of the cocaine addiction and the old coworkers can't leave the place alone. Now my next story will go into detail about having to choke out the Sou Chef but if you believe for one second that your waitress or waiter has a drug problem don't doubt yourself they do... Now I dabbled with Mary Jane in college and a few weeks ago but " I Don't do drug, I jsut smoke weed.... - Dave Champizzle in Half Baked" Crystal Meth and Cocaine and Herion frequent the people in our restaraunt like a horny college girl frequents the free clinic... These people go off on tirades and then complain because my life is so much better... The one little crack whore said I don't have problems well besides the fact that she blows patrons of the restaraunt for nickles and sniffs a powdery residue every once in a while adds to the fact that your life is jacked up... Yea I said it and don't regret... She had the nerve to call me 19.... well I was 19 4 years ago beyotch and just because I can handle my money, and work less than you do means alot. Just cuz you fucked up don't hate... Now I went of on this tirade let me humor you:

Why do Spanish People who force English sound so bad when they pronouce C's and J's:

I better get my yacket before it gets yold...

I'm dead serious that mofo said that, till next week, stay blessed....

Monday, January 22, 2007

Miss Sophia NO.....

Arrrh Mates... (My fellow Pirates)

I had a itch the other day, no not a "I need a hit of some crack" itch or the "I think that b*tch burned me" itch, it was a itch for me to do something. Now some people get their calling and think its tied with the church calling... My calling came in the form of you need to stop some things and concentrate on this one thing. That thing was a blur... It wasn't a dream and it wasn't a vision. It was a voice... Now I'm not crazy, at least I don't think I am but there was this lady's voice shouting me out. It was real soft and pleasant almost like my mother's voice and it was like "Ian Stop." I was like what the f*ck. I turned the TV on mute and stop eating my Captain Crucnch, I even turned out the lights, don't ask (I heard your senses become stronger when you concentrate just on one), and I closed my eyes.

The voice came again but it was in a different form it was a man almost wise and noble... it was like "Ian, you can do it." I was like what the hell? So I left the room and came back and I heard the voices the same. Then there was a third Voice it was like, Laurence Fishburn in Color Purple when he was like "Miss Sophia No..." but instead it was "Ian Anthony No..." I was tripping, I haven't been on any drugs and beer intake from the night before was moderate. So what was going on? I hopped in the shower and went to Bestbuy to get a plug for my ipod. Then I heard the last voice again... "Ian Anthony No..." I'm blown... I look in the Mirror and pimp slap myself, yes I pimp slap my self and go in to the store. I'm thinking I better not pull that crap in here. So I purchase all my stuff and hit the Ave. I get home without any mishaps and turn the idiot box (if seen Bamboozeled, you already know) on. Its one of the Free the Children of Africa commercials and I'm compelled to watch for some odd reason. The man on the tube points at me and "Stop, What your doing...(and I do)... Come to Africa, You can do it... Be apart of the mission and No you don't have to change your lifestyle..." I was like aww sh*t that's what the voices said.

So I tell my mom I need to go to Africa and shes sarcastic as hell and says, "oh when you going and when you coming back..." I told her this is serious and she laughs it off. So I realize she's no help and I call my sister and she tells me you should go... Wait I can't go on with this story, I just wanted to waste your time.... Anyways have a great f*cking day. I ain't crazy you dumbasses. That whole "Miss Sophia No" was brought to you by my older sister when she was ready to whoop a co-worker for interjecting. That was so funny.

Peace God

Thursday, January 18, 2007

I'm Back

"Now tell the truth; I'm like a mechanic when I work my tool " Z-Ro

Now I know my entrance was inappropriate but what the hell ever, I had to make a mark so you knew I was in here... I've been on a hiatus, MIA, Slipping and whatever slang you kids use nowadays... Okay so down to what's going, I got my cellie back so if you read this and don't read your email then give me a call...

This weekend was sfg (so f---ing great) I needed to refuel my alchol tank because that junk was empty since New Year's... and boy did I, If I embarrassed you then f-ck you... let me stop. The Ski trip was hot and I'm planning my joint to Colorado next year at this moment. On Monday Martin Luther the King Jr Day I slept recovering from the trip but Tavis Smiley (frat) was at the waterfront talking junk on white people so I had to go listen, Brother man went hard and it wasn't a comedy show but I was laughing like he was Ced. When people speak the truth you got to laugh, like I laughed when the guy posted that comment on a CNN blog about how black folk complain to much... Its funny but true. He was talking so strong the nucca ain't even stay to take a picture because clearly he dissed the white folk and had them all uncomfortable so before they could pull the rope out he hit the jet and headed back to LA.

Other thoughts, I get emails about my food but I need sleep and I can't help it, I be cooking but a nucca need a break, I'mma do it, you'll see.

Anyways I waiting on 2 things that counteract off each other: Scenario 1, If I'm granted the Tuition reimbursement from my job, I'm going to move out and buy a house.... If I'm not I'm still going to move out get an apartment with my boys and go in to a spiraling debt. So that's that and I'll holla later...

"I'm not a an alcholic because alcholism is a disease and I'm disease free..." ib

Sunday, January 07, 2007


"...Homey, you all front backwards if you chasing a chick, Stupid - chase the paper they come with the shit..." 50 cent

Whas happen what's up? got the blog fired up...

How have you been...? Who cares... I've been good... me me me... yes I have taken a different outlook on life...and its basically say to hell wit it... okay now that I've have expressed my views for this year lets get to the story...

So today (Sunday) I went to church... Its been a while but I wanted to start this year off at home... I haven't been to this specific church since July 16... yea that's awhile but I been to church since then... Well The message was like of my favorite quotes:

"Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could; some blunders and absurdities have crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; you shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense." Ralph Waldo Emerson

Yea what Revrent Moore (inside joke) was trying to say was that last year was gone and there is no such thing as closure but more so adjustment... That made me think of my quote that I had memorized and I just felt closure of all the hectic things that have happened....

So you say... ib that's not funny... I say fuck you I wasn't trying to be so there... You want to know what was funny... I was in the middle of the Bankhead bounce at church... I wrote that black folk need to stop bringing the club to Church:

This was quite startling, the one lady first off came late to church and I had to pick up my jacket... then she started bodying me like we was in a mosh pit... I wanted to throw an elbow to show her damn comfort area but I didn't know how to react... she then rolled over on the floor speaking tounge and I understood her.... She said: "These niggas just don't understand" I swear... I think I have a gift...

Then the lady to my left started getting crunk and high kneeing it like she was trying out for the Dallas Cowboys...She bumped into me and almost fell down... I felt guilty for about five seconds then realized she could have hurt me so I said look midget get it together....

I felt like hearing some Lil John at church but damn can we chill.... Now when they started to do
na na na na na na na... I was the only one who said good bye erybody else said Lets pray... I've been out the loop...

So the dudes in the pulpit invented a new dance its call bring it down and them niggas was like break dance battling and even the kids was crumping... The last straw was the lady behind me she pushed my chair(yea I said chair not pue) into my leg... I thought oh hell a chick wanna break a nucca achilies in this bitch? She calmed down and started talking tongue ( " Iyi cola cola cola") Now that's not tounge that chick just needed some Pepsi...Y'all better let her go... This one dude started doing push ups and I lost my mind... He did like 90... Jesus got him right he looked about 45 too... so my recent church experience has me wearing a button up and buying some rims before I come next time.

"I'm going to be a hood chick when I get married, I'm gonna get my man's name tatted on my body..." A Dub (a HEAD of the game)

Thursday, January 04, 2007

I truly wonder what they thinking?

"Sinnin or not, I'm grinnin a lot, spendin a knot...' Jadakiss

Whats krackin? I feel alot better today... I think I'm past my rut so let me bust a... shut yo mouth. So I was at the eye doctor yesterday and a comment bothered me that the secretary or whatever she wants to be called... I'll give her a nickname Whining Beyotch (WB for short)...

So I sign in and I waited probably 5 minutes before I was taken (White Doctor, Not the nucca I'mma bout to go see). But prior to me getting blinded the WB asks me if I follow basketball... I say "I watch football more than all but I know eenough..." she was saying how Allen Iverson got ejected the night before... I saw the game mostly the second half because I had to work but I knew what she was talking about... She then compared TO to AI (Very Similar but what the hell ever) Ok the comment that bothered me was this: " I can't see how THESE PEOPLE act like that when they make all that money..." O kay I'm not a hockey fan nor a baseball fan but I'm a Philly fan living here in Pro- Sport Less Delawhere? Why didn't she say Eric Lindros or Scott Rolen... Them mofos wanted out of Philly too but She mentioned the brothers.

Now I don't whip out the African American Express when its highly inappropriate or not even worth it so I let that go and laughed. The four above mentioned athletes spent good years and were of high value to their teams but in 3/4 of them (Minus TO) were here a long time and needed new scenery. Her Fat WB Ass sitting there with her funions complaining made no sense because she know damn well if I offered her $200 to wash my car she would... Or if I said I'm going to send you to Flordia because they can offer you a better bag of chips.... Another occasion this occured is when the accountant I my Dad's office called me and my sister "You People"

She may have been mad but hold the hell up, they just started trusting people who look like you (Bin Laden-esqe) about a week ago so what your tone and technically I can get your ass fired. Now black folk don't call Al "Do" Sharpton when you feel offended by: "boy", "these people" "you people" "girl"... etc (____, add your own) just let it roll and right a blog about... because you could probably have an entry ery day. Do call Al or Me if a mofo gets reckless and pulls a Krammer, Coon, WaterMelon Thief, A monkey's cosuin... Sausage lips, shit like that... I'm not racist I sit down around most people (Can't stand em) but we got to look at every person as a friend we haven't met... Oh shit that was real homoerotic I'm gonna go watch some porn, or sit in a bar for a few hours to get that soft side away from me... So the message is clearly "Fuck what people say, just read this blog"

Good Day

"I got the tape, you are a wild dude" (Chris about Me on New Year's Eve) < It'll probably be on youtube shortly.

Wednesday, January 03, 2007

2007: Rougth Start

"...I strive for my pay each and every way but this type of shit it happens everyday It's like I'm trapped in a maze walk around in a daze I won't rest 'til I'm paid or I'm down in my grave ..."


What it ain't? Sorry you haven't heard from but 2007 had a rough start.... Well I drank and me drinking got me to losing my phone... My treo is somewhat of a big deal... I treat her bad but she always came through for me... My next one I'm gonna name Lucille after Anthony Hamilton's song and take real good care of her... My car winshield split... There's a story if you call me next week I'll tell you... but for covering my ass Its cold out and weather jacked my junk up.... I chopped a piece of finger off at work... its not that big it just felt bad as with the way things are going... My mojo is all jacked up in this young ass year but I know by two months from now I'll refer back to this piece and laugh...

So me and Jose Cuervo met over the New Year's Celebration and we just don't get along... That nigga can bring the ugly outta of my little sister...( I pray that she follows a more classy path with Champale or something). I had some of that junk too... I think they were fighting with the redstripe, heinekin, jose and water that was in my stomach because I eventually kissed the white porcelin god... Oh well I won't be drinking like that for awhile.... So 2007 will always be remebered as the year that I started off shitttay but they don't call me Flipmode for nothing.

"I brought that shit, I don't give a fuck..." Jey Bryant (New Year's Eve)