"in one way or the other, I'm a bad brother, word to the motherf*cker..." Easy E
Whaddup? For those of you who don't know I am well defined specimen but besides that I own a hotdog cart. That was my means of income for 6 months between July and Novemeber in 2005. That's right I owned a cart. Don't Hate! There were a lot of characters that came by and there were a lot of people who'd give dumba*s advice. So I picked 2 stories that I want to share with you now.
No Pets Please:
Story #1 :
I was located by the hospital, right across the street as suggestion from my mother due to lack of food vendors in the area. The cafeteria was really the only place to go and the food was to expensive. So oppourtunity is the first thing a business man has to recognize and capitolize on that. So I got my spot and made decent money.
There was this paticular day where it was hot as all hell but this older lady strolled up to the cart and she had on a trench coat. A long a*s trench coat that was not necessary for that day. She had a laundry cart that carried a bag and a dog. So she started asking questions being nosey like old white people do and I answer majority of her questions. One of her questions was about what school I went to? I hit her back with Hampton Universtiy and she looks taken back like "what the f*ck" look. And She asks just like this "So your not a highschool drop out?" What in the world does that mean. Why I got to be all that? So I say nah and kind of laugh it off.
She then talks about how people think your a highschool dropout when you drive by. In my mind: Do people have that much time to analyze or over analyze the situation and think that I am highschool dropout? Hell nah! So she goes back and forth asking questions like the cart history and where I'm from and crap like that. She tells me she wants another plain dog with nothing on it and I charge the same for the bunless dog. She then breaks it up and gives it to her dog. She Then pops her trench coat collar puts on some big old cataracts shades and tightens her hat down. Now that neighborhood is worst now then it was then so maybe she was a psychic because she starts talking bout the shooting range and how this neighborhood is going to get worse. She then opens up her trench coat and reveals a 9mm! I thought she turned creepy and was about to pull a Pee Wee Herman but thank God it was a gun. I couldn't have taken old saggy boobies that early in the morning. She starts rambling on how she packs her gun and goes to the range to shoot everyonce in a while.
That was the last thing I thought she would whip out, bootleg dvds, gold watches, sausage links, her boobs, not a gun. She could have capped me and took off wit $200. She could have bussed a cap in my a*s. Crazy
Story #2:
So as usual I'm sitting on my crate waiting for customers and this paticular day some big n*gga rolls up with his pitbull and orders"6 dogs, 4 with out the buns" In my mind: How yo big a*s gonna order more food for the dog than your self? So I charge him the regular and that mofo scarfs down his two and the dog takes his like they was racing. He then orders another one realizing that he was a big n*gga and junk (like 6'6, 330). Enhales that one and I'm like Chris Tucker in Friday on his a*s: DAMN!!! This is like 2 minutes passed and I've seen 7 dogs disappear with no problem. Dude hardly says anything, he chunks up the duece and disolves into downtown Wilmington. That was like some Kobayashi junk.
http://www.cnn.com/2005/US/07/04/hotdog.contest/
Later that day this lady rolls up and has a dog too. She orders 2 for herself and 1 for her dog. It was a golden retriever and looked frail as hell. She then commands it to sit. She pays and walks over to the edge of the parking lot. I assume that she went to sit down and feed the dog but after a few customers come by (5 minutes later) she still hasn't given the dog the hotdog. I'm confused then you hear this erupting noise of "Sit down" "You better knock it off" and "What is your problem." In my mind: I don't think he understands you lady. Poor f*cking dog, doesn't have a chance of normalcy or just being a dog with his/her owner being a bitch. I shook my head and I think I went back to reading my book. I should have called animal rights but then I was like he'll probably bite her oneday cuz the dog will turn into a dog...
So the dog thing can be weird but shouldn't be that weird. People are funny but people with dogs are even funnier. Its like some people treat their dogs like humans... Maybe if they take some sngel dust then the dog will talk back. That would trip them out?
"can i borrow a couple of dollars..." Wesley Snipes
Maintain and my advice for the day: "they always looks better after a few drinks."
Thursday, November 16, 2006
Wednesday, November 15, 2006
ib's 5 Major Differences
"I know Jesus saves my sins so why not blow dro why not sip segram's gin...." Jody Breeze
Now since moving back to Delaware from Virginia I've had 2 different groups of people I hang out with. And I've observed differneces that are signifigant and things that we all have in common. So society is broken into all different types of categories. So coming from a HBCU and moving back to Delaware you definately see the differences. The HBCU I was all over the place... back here in good old Delaware you got Trolley Square (Think Ft. Lauderdale with Bilimia).
So I bring you 5 big differces I have seen between my black friends and my white friends. (*In no way am I racist, I don't like anybody!)
#1.Drinks....
My white friends will grab a keg for a house party and maybe one bottle to take shots = $80.
My black friends will buy 3 bottles of lica' (Preferably yac) and think everybody's happy=$120.
My white friends will buy me drinks until I can't walk straight.
My black friends only reach for their wallets to get their ID's out.
My white friends will think of drinking games like flip cups, kings of the cups, or beer pong (that's that sh*t).
My black friends will just challenge you with shot after shot... no creativity what so ever.
Edge: White Folk.
#2.Reality TV...
White folk got the bachelor
Black folk got the connery we call Flavor of love.
(Church: Now the ladies from the bachelor get roses to move on compared to an ovesized clock with a glamour shot on the inside, The bachelor gets a guy who is sucessful in his industry and FOL gets a washed up rapper who hasn't seen chapstick since Fight the Power. The bachelor gets educated women who hold a conversation about politics and have good a*s jobs, FOL gets hoodrat Wanifa who gets her name turned to Skrummpshush and talks about her $900 weave)
White folk got the Apprentice, Donald Trump and business savy folks.
Black folk got the Ultimate Hustler, Dame Dash and a bunch of intern rejects.
(Church: Now the Donald is madd annoying but his show is crack, on the other hand Dame Dash makes his points and personifies the qualities of a hustler but his attitude is lame, dude ain't done nothing major since Jay left. Donald trump gives challeges like Marketing for Johnson&Johnson. Dame Dash has them run around the city like interns picking up magazines. You're fired vs. Life is in the Dash, Trump has his kids and that old man and the frigid looking chick as his advice, Dash has Biggs. Trump always talks about how important something is to business, Dame will hit you with pause, no homo clause erytime.)
Edge: Push (FOL wins erytime.... WoWWWWWWWWWWWWWW but Trump clearly whoops Dame when it comes to the big deals)
#3.@ the Club...
White people dance to every song that gets played.
Black people only dance to the songs they know.
White people leave the club like they left the iron on at home.
Black people stay at the club like there's a free fried chicken give away at 3:30.
White people bring 1 other friend
Black people travel in packs that outnumber the seats in the car.
White people actually dance
Black people (dudes) look at other n*ggas in the club
Edge: Push... the Drinks come into hand with the white folk but the black women, nuff said.
#4. Childhood activities...
White people rode horses
Black people have big wheels up until the age of 13.
White people ice skate at nice rinks.
Black people roller skate down the street and yell: CAR!
White people play orginized activities on a court, field etc.
Black people hook a crate to a telephone pole and play tackle football on the street.
White people play house, tea party, pirates, capture the flag, clubhouse and school.
Black people play It, red light green light, red rover red rover, and freeze tag.
Edge: Black Folk, forget those games, it was that sh*t
#5. Freshness...
White folk will wear the dingiest asics in the closet that they done had for 3 years.
Black folk will go get the limited edition Jordan's for $135 ery week they come out.
White folk will wear the same shirt 3 days in a row.
Black folk will go shopping 3 days out the week just to have something new.
White folk will share clothes with the BFF's
Black folk rather donate their clothes then let they boy rock it harder than them.
Edge:Black folk.... your shoes show how much you take care of your lifestyle because your feet are always on the ground.
So whats the score: 2:1:2 is black:white:push. So who wins... no one because you usually miss out on a classic night or day or show f*cking wit the other one.
"I read your blog everyday..." Nia Long
Keep God first and this blog second. Stay Blessed.
Now since moving back to Delaware from Virginia I've had 2 different groups of people I hang out with. And I've observed differneces that are signifigant and things that we all have in common. So society is broken into all different types of categories. So coming from a HBCU and moving back to Delaware you definately see the differences. The HBCU I was all over the place... back here in good old Delaware you got Trolley Square (Think Ft. Lauderdale with Bilimia).
So I bring you 5 big differces I have seen between my black friends and my white friends. (*In no way am I racist, I don't like anybody!)
#1.Drinks....
My white friends will grab a keg for a house party and maybe one bottle to take shots = $80.
My black friends will buy 3 bottles of lica' (Preferably yac) and think everybody's happy=$120.
My white friends will buy me drinks until I can't walk straight.
My black friends only reach for their wallets to get their ID's out.
My white friends will think of drinking games like flip cups, kings of the cups, or beer pong (that's that sh*t).
My black friends will just challenge you with shot after shot... no creativity what so ever.
Edge: White Folk.
#2.Reality TV...
White folk got the bachelor
Black folk got the connery we call Flavor of love.
(Church: Now the ladies from the bachelor get roses to move on compared to an ovesized clock with a glamour shot on the inside, The bachelor gets a guy who is sucessful in his industry and FOL gets a washed up rapper who hasn't seen chapstick since Fight the Power. The bachelor gets educated women who hold a conversation about politics and have good a*s jobs, FOL gets hoodrat Wanifa who gets her name turned to Skrummpshush and talks about her $900 weave)
White folk got the Apprentice, Donald Trump and business savy folks.
Black folk got the Ultimate Hustler, Dame Dash and a bunch of intern rejects.
(Church: Now the Donald is madd annoying but his show is crack, on the other hand Dame Dash makes his points and personifies the qualities of a hustler but his attitude is lame, dude ain't done nothing major since Jay left. Donald trump gives challeges like Marketing for Johnson&Johnson. Dame Dash has them run around the city like interns picking up magazines. You're fired vs. Life is in the Dash, Trump has his kids and that old man and the frigid looking chick as his advice, Dash has Biggs. Trump always talks about how important something is to business, Dame will hit you with pause, no homo clause erytime.)
Edge: Push (FOL wins erytime.... WoWWWWWWWWWWWWWW but Trump clearly whoops Dame when it comes to the big deals)
#3.@ the Club...
White people dance to every song that gets played.
Black people only dance to the songs they know.
White people leave the club like they left the iron on at home.
Black people stay at the club like there's a free fried chicken give away at 3:30.
White people bring 1 other friend
Black people travel in packs that outnumber the seats in the car.
White people actually dance
Black people (dudes) look at other n*ggas in the club
Edge: Push... the Drinks come into hand with the white folk but the black women, nuff said.
#4. Childhood activities...
White people rode horses
Black people have big wheels up until the age of 13.
White people ice skate at nice rinks.
Black people roller skate down the street and yell: CAR!
White people play orginized activities on a court, field etc.
Black people hook a crate to a telephone pole and play tackle football on the street.
White people play house, tea party, pirates, capture the flag, clubhouse and school.
Black people play It, red light green light, red rover red rover, and freeze tag.
Edge: Black Folk, forget those games, it was that sh*t
#5. Freshness...
White folk will wear the dingiest asics in the closet that they done had for 3 years.
Black folk will go get the limited edition Jordan's for $135 ery week they come out.
White folk will wear the same shirt 3 days in a row.
Black folk will go shopping 3 days out the week just to have something new.
White folk will share clothes with the BFF's
Black folk rather donate their clothes then let they boy rock it harder than them.
Edge:Black folk.... your shoes show how much you take care of your lifestyle because your feet are always on the ground.
So whats the score: 2:1:2 is black:white:push. So who wins... no one because you usually miss out on a classic night or day or show f*cking wit the other one.
"I read your blog everyday..." Nia Long
Keep God first and this blog second. Stay Blessed.
Tuesday, November 14, 2006
Salute of the Week: Joke Bandit
"step back and catch my amazing graces..."
So here we go again, as I look for some consistency with the blog I bring you the second installation of "Salute of the Week". So without further ado, I would like to salute the Joke bandit. You know who you are the mofo who steals other peoples jokes and then when you repeat them you mess the whole damn thing up. Now I take a joke from people all the time (I did it yesterday) but you rehearse the joke so one you don't mess it up and two it's actually funny. Somebody at the restaurant was telling a joke in the private dining room. I was in there filling glasses with water and dude was trying to tell a joke. Maybe he was nervous or maybe he knew his joke was crap. Because hearing crickets at the end of the joke is one of the saddest American tragedies yet.
Dude had erybodies attention in the room and was sweating like a pig at a luau. In my mind: Get your bearings man, your embarassing yourself. Then the moment of truth the punchline and I just didn't hear crickets I think I heard a hearbeat, a pin drop, and a humming bird outside the window (Shout out to Ray Charles). Guy was God awful but he laughed and hit everybody with the "Oh, man" and nudging the guy next to him. He was then given the pity laugh with some eyes rolling and snickering. I think it was a group dinner party with him being the blind date to another girl. She left at one point and used the phone saying she wanted to leave. Classic. Plus it's not like public speaking man, your surronded by a couple of drunks. So Mr. or Mrs. Joke Bandit give it up until you get it right and with that I Salute you.
Joke For Dat A*s:
There was an octupus who was an amazing musican who was challenged by all types of people. So a lady brings in a guitar and the octupus fiddles with it for a few seconds puts it in tune and jams out like Santana. This guy brings in a trumpet figures out how to do it and jams like a true Miles Davis. So then this Scottish guy brings in bag pipes and he fiddles with it and looks at it and just can't figure it out... So after like two hours the Scottish guy stands up and says I got you didn't I... The octupus says no I've been trying to f*ck her for the past 2 hours.
Bonus:
One day there were three people. Their names were Manners, Trouble and Shutup. One day they were playing hide and seek. Manners got a tummy ache so hewent to the toilet. Trouble was hiding. Shut up was finding Trouble when hemet a policeman.
The policeman said, "What is your name?""Shut up!"The policeman replied, "Are you looking for trouble?""Yes!"The policeman fumed, "Where are your manners?""In the toilet."
"it sure is cold in this courtroom, can I have my gloves back..." OJ Simpson
Recipie of the week coming soon... paitence grasshoppers.
Stay Blessed
So here we go again, as I look for some consistency with the blog I bring you the second installation of "Salute of the Week". So without further ado, I would like to salute the Joke bandit. You know who you are the mofo who steals other peoples jokes and then when you repeat them you mess the whole damn thing up. Now I take a joke from people all the time (I did it yesterday) but you rehearse the joke so one you don't mess it up and two it's actually funny. Somebody at the restaurant was telling a joke in the private dining room. I was in there filling glasses with water and dude was trying to tell a joke. Maybe he was nervous or maybe he knew his joke was crap. Because hearing crickets at the end of the joke is one of the saddest American tragedies yet.
Dude had erybodies attention in the room and was sweating like a pig at a luau. In my mind: Get your bearings man, your embarassing yourself. Then the moment of truth the punchline and I just didn't hear crickets I think I heard a hearbeat, a pin drop, and a humming bird outside the window (Shout out to Ray Charles). Guy was God awful but he laughed and hit everybody with the "Oh, man" and nudging the guy next to him. He was then given the pity laugh with some eyes rolling and snickering. I think it was a group dinner party with him being the blind date to another girl. She left at one point and used the phone saying she wanted to leave. Classic. Plus it's not like public speaking man, your surronded by a couple of drunks. So Mr. or Mrs. Joke Bandit give it up until you get it right and with that I Salute you.
Joke For Dat A*s:
There was an octupus who was an amazing musican who was challenged by all types of people. So a lady brings in a guitar and the octupus fiddles with it for a few seconds puts it in tune and jams out like Santana. This guy brings in a trumpet figures out how to do it and jams like a true Miles Davis. So then this Scottish guy brings in bag pipes and he fiddles with it and looks at it and just can't figure it out... So after like two hours the Scottish guy stands up and says I got you didn't I... The octupus says no I've been trying to f*ck her for the past 2 hours.
Bonus:
One day there were three people. Their names were Manners, Trouble and Shutup. One day they were playing hide and seek. Manners got a tummy ache so hewent to the toilet. Trouble was hiding. Shut up was finding Trouble when hemet a policeman.
The policeman said, "What is your name?""Shut up!"The policeman replied, "Are you looking for trouble?""Yes!"The policeman fumed, "Where are your manners?""In the toilet."
"it sure is cold in this courtroom, can I have my gloves back..." OJ Simpson
Recipie of the week coming soon... paitence grasshoppers.
Stay Blessed
Monday, November 13, 2006
I Needed That
"you either slinging crack rock or you got a wicked jump shot..." Notourious B.I.G
So this pass weekend was crazy... it started off with the thirsty Thursday entry and contined the madness Friday and Saturday Night.
Well Friday I got off work (as usual) and went looking for my pops. He said he was going to be a at a restaraunt late night after a concert he went to. So I get there and its little Jamaican men drinking wine talking sh*t about everything. They were all dressed like hustlers. It was like I walked into the Jamaican Mafia meeting. So I had a glass of Jamaican wine (No such thing but it made me feel extra Jamaican sitting in the Jamaican restaurant and drinking merlot) and hit the Ave. So I go down the street to this charity event a friend one of my friends from high school is having. As usual no one's there because I'm the only one who works 20 jobs. So I make my donantion and sit on the couch, drink, and watch sports center. Some people return and we have our regular conversations of "Remember this..." and "I saw that thing..." crapola.
I get home probably at like 4:30 and get an hour of sleep because I awoken by my phone. Crack my eye to se who it is. Its a lady from my culinary class. I immeadiatley know this is going to be bad. I know her husband so thats my first thought so dude doesn't kick in my door with a gun or no gun and gets his a*s molliwhoped. So shes says hes in the hospitol. In my mind: B*tch why you ain't there? She says shes tired of him and things are going bad and he advised her to call me because out of our class I'm the only one he trust. Basically there are a couple of creepy people who are in our class. I have wondering eyes but I stare with discretion. Those dudes make it obvious that there looking at boobs and want to do something with them (straight on some old myspace predator junk).
So we are talking and I spill like Usher's confessions of my life and crap. She does the same and even tells me that her Husband knows of her year old extra-marital affair (this mofo is still with her? chick would have hit the curb so hard her grandmother's a*s would hurt). So I drunk and my mouth is loose as hell as she ask about what people say about her. The main reason why I did it was to see if there was some dirt people talk on me. Minimal and usually stuff I knew. So she hits these high pitch breaths of shock everytime she hears something that surprises her. Half the school wants her and when we go to France let me just say the place may turn in to Vegas.
So Saturday I do the same and continue my drinking after work. I go to 1717 (classy name, unclassy people) and then followed by Pan Tai for last call. So I get there and one of bosses is there with the girls from Thurday night and the bartender, Brian. We drink and I immeadiatley get bored with the "Baby and Mariage talk..." Brian and I talk about surfing (don't ask) and swimming with sharks (I swim like I ice skate, only when I have to but this cat surfs and is real animated with his actions). So we're leaving and as usual when in Delaware you want to do something afterwards. I had a half bottle of wine but didn't want to share so 3 of us went back to Reema's crib and play a board game. That was the decsion but the BORED game never got started. Brian's cussing his girlfriend out on the phone and Reema continues her talk about marriage and Brian interjects like don't ever get married!(He's divorced and even said that he would kill his ex-wife if he saw her).
*If he does decide to kill his ex-wife and they bring this to evidence, I just want to say that his premditated crime did not involve me.
So I ready to leave and Brian, I'm thinking, is trying to get some from Reema. I could care less so I take my half-drunk ass home and go to sleep. Its like 4 something, I get like 3 hours of sleep and my phone rings (don't recognize, leave a message)... Rings again, I hit ignore, Again... ignore....Again....ignore... What the motherf*ck is going on. So I answer and this lady is like, "Hi Ian, its Nikki." I started thinking like I haven't gave my number to no Nikki and no girl I've met out in like 2 days (inside joke). She goes on this tirade about Brian not coming home and junk and asking me where I'm at. Supposedly he told her I was with him...So she asks for the adress and I say I'm not at liberty to rlease that information (like I'm a news reporter or something). So I hang up and she keeps calling back (crazy). See I know you thinking turn off your phone but I need it just in case my kids call needing a ride.
So I answer and shes all pleasant but at the same time you can hear her anger. I know this crazy heffer won't give it up so I reliquish the info and hang up to call and give warning shots. No one answers so I go about my day.
I get 3 phone calls and ery body is asking what happened. I tell em and Reema says it was cool and Meg makes sure everything is cool. So supposed she busted into Reema's apartment looking for Brian who was still sleeping.... Mofo probably just wanted to get away from that crazy chick. Reema is all worried about having the chick bust her door down in the future but unless you feel or are guilty she has no reason to.
Long story short some people need help mentally and physically cuz if he talk to her like a real person she wouldn't been so agressive to finding him and physically she just needs the most beautiful thing in the world... SEX! my advic put her a*s to sleep and then she can't be mad.
"George Bush doesn't like black people..." Kanye West
Recipie will be here shortly. Stay Blessed and Remember that when you take a shower don't wear your clothes.
So this pass weekend was crazy... it started off with the thirsty Thursday entry and contined the madness Friday and Saturday Night.
Well Friday I got off work (as usual) and went looking for my pops. He said he was going to be a at a restaraunt late night after a concert he went to. So I get there and its little Jamaican men drinking wine talking sh*t about everything. They were all dressed like hustlers. It was like I walked into the Jamaican Mafia meeting. So I had a glass of Jamaican wine (No such thing but it made me feel extra Jamaican sitting in the Jamaican restaurant and drinking merlot) and hit the Ave. So I go down the street to this charity event a friend one of my friends from high school is having. As usual no one's there because I'm the only one who works 20 jobs. So I make my donantion and sit on the couch, drink, and watch sports center. Some people return and we have our regular conversations of "Remember this..." and "I saw that thing..." crapola.
I get home probably at like 4:30 and get an hour of sleep because I awoken by my phone. Crack my eye to se who it is. Its a lady from my culinary class. I immeadiatley know this is going to be bad. I know her husband so thats my first thought so dude doesn't kick in my door with a gun or no gun and gets his a*s molliwhoped. So shes says hes in the hospitol. In my mind: B*tch why you ain't there? She says shes tired of him and things are going bad and he advised her to call me because out of our class I'm the only one he trust. Basically there are a couple of creepy people who are in our class. I have wondering eyes but I stare with discretion. Those dudes make it obvious that there looking at boobs and want to do something with them (straight on some old myspace predator junk).
So we are talking and I spill like Usher's confessions of my life and crap. She does the same and even tells me that her Husband knows of her year old extra-marital affair (this mofo is still with her? chick would have hit the curb so hard her grandmother's a*s would hurt). So I drunk and my mouth is loose as hell as she ask about what people say about her. The main reason why I did it was to see if there was some dirt people talk on me. Minimal and usually stuff I knew. So she hits these high pitch breaths of shock everytime she hears something that surprises her. Half the school wants her and when we go to France let me just say the place may turn in to Vegas.
So Saturday I do the same and continue my drinking after work. I go to 1717 (classy name, unclassy people) and then followed by Pan Tai for last call. So I get there and one of bosses is there with the girls from Thurday night and the bartender, Brian. We drink and I immeadiatley get bored with the "Baby and Mariage talk..." Brian and I talk about surfing (don't ask) and swimming with sharks (I swim like I ice skate, only when I have to but this cat surfs and is real animated with his actions). So we're leaving and as usual when in Delaware you want to do something afterwards. I had a half bottle of wine but didn't want to share so 3 of us went back to Reema's crib and play a board game. That was the decsion but the BORED game never got started. Brian's cussing his girlfriend out on the phone and Reema continues her talk about marriage and Brian interjects like don't ever get married!(He's divorced and even said that he would kill his ex-wife if he saw her).
*If he does decide to kill his ex-wife and they bring this to evidence, I just want to say that his premditated crime did not involve me.
So I ready to leave and Brian, I'm thinking, is trying to get some from Reema. I could care less so I take my half-drunk ass home and go to sleep. Its like 4 something, I get like 3 hours of sleep and my phone rings (don't recognize, leave a message)... Rings again, I hit ignore, Again... ignore....Again....ignore... What the motherf*ck is going on. So I answer and this lady is like, "Hi Ian, its Nikki." I started thinking like I haven't gave my number to no Nikki and no girl I've met out in like 2 days (inside joke). She goes on this tirade about Brian not coming home and junk and asking me where I'm at. Supposedly he told her I was with him...So she asks for the adress and I say I'm not at liberty to rlease that information (like I'm a news reporter or something). So I hang up and she keeps calling back (crazy). See I know you thinking turn off your phone but I need it just in case my kids call needing a ride.
So I answer and shes all pleasant but at the same time you can hear her anger. I know this crazy heffer won't give it up so I reliquish the info and hang up to call and give warning shots. No one answers so I go about my day.
I get 3 phone calls and ery body is asking what happened. I tell em and Reema says it was cool and Meg makes sure everything is cool. So supposed she busted into Reema's apartment looking for Brian who was still sleeping.... Mofo probably just wanted to get away from that crazy chick. Reema is all worried about having the chick bust her door down in the future but unless you feel or are guilty she has no reason to.
Long story short some people need help mentally and physically cuz if he talk to her like a real person she wouldn't been so agressive to finding him and physically she just needs the most beautiful thing in the world... SEX! my advic put her a*s to sleep and then she can't be mad.
"George Bush doesn't like black people..." Kanye West
Recipie will be here shortly. Stay Blessed and Remember that when you take a shower don't wear your clothes.
Friday, November 10, 2006
Thirsty Thursday (Not the Original)
"ya'll know what this is..."
So last night after I finish my final I partake in a time old tradtion with the classmates that we know as Thirsty Thursdays. I was feeling generous so I brought everybody a round. We talk politics, women, and what not. So after about 4 rounds there I cut out. Now I don't recomend nor allow myself to drive home drunk or buzzed. So I stop by the school to use the facilites and I run into 2 former class mates.
Perfect I can kill some time and I chatted with them about all the happenings. Will looked like he lost madd weight but denies (Dude looked like he took the Subway diet). So I spend like 45 min before I hit 95. Great I'm feeling cool and calm and not restless like I just downed 4 beers. Its only like 9:30 and I don't feel like going home just yet. So I head down 95 and make it home safely and then begin my drunk dialing... I call erybody and nobody answers, not even my pops (yes, I drunk dial my dad). So I get somebody and its followed with the I'll call you right back line. I sit on my stoop and proceed to take the trash to the curb. I go inside and as I'm leaving my mama is exiting on her way to work. She gives me "what the hell is that smell stare?" and I kiss her forehead. I didn't stink but I probably smelled of a keg. So any hoot I sit at the computer checking my emails and the blog (no love except from cheez and jello, nicknames to protect the innocent). I get bored quickly so I grab my jacket and walk to my car. I decide I got to go to one of my favorite late night spots "Oh Thank Heaven". I get a bag of "Chilli Fritos" and an Mango Arizona Ice Tea (crack in 99 cent can). I dap up Abdul and roll out. As I'm exiting I see my co-worker Shannon and she invites me to Pan Tai.
Pan Tai is right in that area and right by my house so I think a perfect oppourtunity. I drop my car and walk back to the lounge. Its a restaraunt downstairs and an enlightened living room upstairs. It always looks like the place is jumping but its not its just small as all hell. I grab a Hiney from the bartender, say what's up to a few folk (Delaware is the size of your county) and I give the white DJ the nod of approval for his selection and he like beats his chest like we from the same hood (doubt it). So Pan Tai is a diverse group of folk... you got the white folk who still "Bust a Move" to Young MC and the ecclectic black folk who rock to Erica Badu, good mix, like VH1 soul (now thats that sh*t). And then theres the whiteboy who rocks out to Nelly and Young Jock daily. The DJ Plays 1st Key of Lil Wayne and Birdmans new CD which is one of my favorites off that joint (don't sleep cop now). I give him the nod of approval for his selection and he cheers me with his drink. That's how small this place is, the DJ and bartender are like 5 feet away from each other. So all the people who I called during my drunk dial period are calling back and I interlude to the balcony to speak briefly.
I come back in and kill the calamari we ordered (one of my favorite dishes). So its like 11:30 now and I'm on round 8 when we decide to leave so I take that Hiney to the head and we dip to the next spot. Totally different crowd. It was like walking into Suburb town, america high school renunion. It was like the people who were in college in 198something. So I see some of white boys from highschool and just like I was suprised I was there they were suprised I was in there too. So I greet and get my next Hiney (9) and I got a tab open. I walk by this DJ booth totally different attitude. First off he was sitting down and In my mind: Is this guy as lazy as his eys? (Dear Lord baby Jesus pelase forgive me). But He played Luda's Shake Ya Money Maker followed by Boy Geroge...not feeling the DJ. (10) I catch back up to the people I came in with and Shannon offers me $20 to dance to this song. I don't an incentive to cut the rug so I go out there, I'm so drunk I don't even know what song was playing. I stand around and recognize no movement is a bad move so I move over to the bar. I try to get the bartender's attention but he's mad busy and the other Fcuker pays me no mind. So I finally do (11) and this lady nudges me. I assume she needs space so I move.
She slurs: "How U doing?" and I reply great thanks how bout yourself. Now I'm used to drunken white women hitting on me at the restaurant but this lady was all over herself. She then goes "hOw OlD RU?" I shoot back 23 and she says shes 35. So I motion to get up but she wants company so I give it to her and entertain the town drunk.She then ask "What you doing here?" ( Like it was whites only night). Told her about my friends and she ask if it was my girlfirend. I should have said yes but this lady ws to funny to let go so soon. So her names Dawn and she says she has twins. She Then grabs her enourmous Boobs and says not these tho. I dribble my beer out with laughter and she repeats herslef like 30x about stuff we already talked about. She ask about my wife and I tell her shes at the alter in 201... waiting for me, she laughs.
She then ask me to dance... I like the song (Ridin Dirty) so I comply. But before I go (12). Anyway she introduces me to everybody on the dance floor and I'm thinking this b*tch knows everybody here. So the song ends and some rock crap comes on, so I sit down. She follows and I thought this was the end of my Dawn Escapade but it wasn't. She then ask for my number and what I do, I ignore the first question like it didn't happen and she asks again so I say 911-3434 and she probably call it. She then says that shes been with Black Guys and I say thats nice. Now I wasn't the only brother in the place, there were a few token's looking to get into massa's big house (that was joke and Jesus knows that) but yea they wanted to play Chain the massa's wife to the bed (Imma stop) so I knew I wasn't alone but why me. So how can you tell someone's racist? They can name all the black people they know and not think twice. She started blurt out how her nanny was black and was like her second mother (now I just picture Whoopi Goldberg in Sabrina Sabrina or wahtever that movie was). I ge bored and she ask for a kiss. I don't want to catch anything so I settle for a hug but she sneaks a kiss on the cheek. I think ewww rabbies but I don't wipe it until I get outside for respect of embarassing this lady. She then says what type of crap is that and I tap my friend to interject.
She grabs me asking for my lighter. She know I don't smike but that was a slick move.
Todays quote:"I invented the internet". - Al Gore, former U.S. Vice President
Take it Easy, the original was better but the comp was acting up so this ones not to bad.
Rip Ed Bradley KAPsi Chapter Invisible
So last night after I finish my final I partake in a time old tradtion with the classmates that we know as Thirsty Thursdays. I was feeling generous so I brought everybody a round. We talk politics, women, and what not. So after about 4 rounds there I cut out. Now I don't recomend nor allow myself to drive home drunk or buzzed. So I stop by the school to use the facilites and I run into 2 former class mates.
Perfect I can kill some time and I chatted with them about all the happenings. Will looked like he lost madd weight but denies (Dude looked like he took the Subway diet). So I spend like 45 min before I hit 95. Great I'm feeling cool and calm and not restless like I just downed 4 beers. Its only like 9:30 and I don't feel like going home just yet. So I head down 95 and make it home safely and then begin my drunk dialing... I call erybody and nobody answers, not even my pops (yes, I drunk dial my dad). So I get somebody and its followed with the I'll call you right back line. I sit on my stoop and proceed to take the trash to the curb. I go inside and as I'm leaving my mama is exiting on her way to work. She gives me "what the hell is that smell stare?" and I kiss her forehead. I didn't stink but I probably smelled of a keg. So any hoot I sit at the computer checking my emails and the blog (no love except from cheez and jello, nicknames to protect the innocent). I get bored quickly so I grab my jacket and walk to my car. I decide I got to go to one of my favorite late night spots "Oh Thank Heaven". I get a bag of "Chilli Fritos" and an Mango Arizona Ice Tea (crack in 99 cent can). I dap up Abdul and roll out. As I'm exiting I see my co-worker Shannon and she invites me to Pan Tai.
Pan Tai is right in that area and right by my house so I think a perfect oppourtunity. I drop my car and walk back to the lounge. Its a restaraunt downstairs and an enlightened living room upstairs. It always looks like the place is jumping but its not its just small as all hell. I grab a Hiney from the bartender, say what's up to a few folk (Delaware is the size of your county) and I give the white DJ the nod of approval for his selection and he like beats his chest like we from the same hood (doubt it). So Pan Tai is a diverse group of folk... you got the white folk who still "Bust a Move" to Young MC and the ecclectic black folk who rock to Erica Badu, good mix, like VH1 soul (now thats that sh*t). And then theres the whiteboy who rocks out to Nelly and Young Jock daily. The DJ Plays 1st Key of Lil Wayne and Birdmans new CD which is one of my favorites off that joint (don't sleep cop now). I give him the nod of approval for his selection and he cheers me with his drink. That's how small this place is, the DJ and bartender are like 5 feet away from each other. So all the people who I called during my drunk dial period are calling back and I interlude to the balcony to speak briefly.
I come back in and kill the calamari we ordered (one of my favorite dishes). So its like 11:30 now and I'm on round 8 when we decide to leave so I take that Hiney to the head and we dip to the next spot. Totally different crowd. It was like walking into Suburb town, america high school renunion. It was like the people who were in college in 198something. So I see some of white boys from highschool and just like I was suprised I was there they were suprised I was in there too. So I greet and get my next Hiney (9) and I got a tab open. I walk by this DJ booth totally different attitude. First off he was sitting down and In my mind: Is this guy as lazy as his eys? (Dear Lord baby Jesus pelase forgive me). But He played Luda's Shake Ya Money Maker followed by Boy Geroge...not feeling the DJ. (10) I catch back up to the people I came in with and Shannon offers me $20 to dance to this song. I don't an incentive to cut the rug so I go out there, I'm so drunk I don't even know what song was playing. I stand around and recognize no movement is a bad move so I move over to the bar. I try to get the bartender's attention but he's mad busy and the other Fcuker pays me no mind. So I finally do (11) and this lady nudges me. I assume she needs space so I move.
She slurs: "How U doing?" and I reply great thanks how bout yourself. Now I'm used to drunken white women hitting on me at the restaurant but this lady was all over herself. She then goes "hOw OlD RU?" I shoot back 23 and she says shes 35. So I motion to get up but she wants company so I give it to her and entertain the town drunk.She then ask "What you doing here?" ( Like it was whites only night). Told her about my friends and she ask if it was my girlfirend. I should have said yes but this lady ws to funny to let go so soon. So her names Dawn and she says she has twins. She Then grabs her enourmous Boobs and says not these tho. I dribble my beer out with laughter and she repeats herslef like 30x about stuff we already talked about. She ask about my wife and I tell her shes at the alter in 201... waiting for me, she laughs.
She then ask me to dance... I like the song (Ridin Dirty) so I comply. But before I go (12). Anyway she introduces me to everybody on the dance floor and I'm thinking this b*tch knows everybody here. So the song ends and some rock crap comes on, so I sit down. She follows and I thought this was the end of my Dawn Escapade but it wasn't. She then ask for my number and what I do, I ignore the first question like it didn't happen and she asks again so I say 911-3434 and she probably call it. She then says that shes been with Black Guys and I say thats nice. Now I wasn't the only brother in the place, there were a few token's looking to get into massa's big house (that was joke and Jesus knows that) but yea they wanted to play Chain the massa's wife to the bed (Imma stop) so I knew I wasn't alone but why me. So how can you tell someone's racist? They can name all the black people they know and not think twice. She started blurt out how her nanny was black and was like her second mother (now I just picture Whoopi Goldberg in Sabrina Sabrina or wahtever that movie was). I ge bored and she ask for a kiss. I don't want to catch anything so I settle for a hug but she sneaks a kiss on the cheek. I think ewww rabbies but I don't wipe it until I get outside for respect of embarassing this lady. She then says what type of crap is that and I tap my friend to interject.
She grabs me asking for my lighter. She know I don't smike but that was a slick move.
Todays quote:"I invented the internet". - Al Gore, former U.S. Vice President
Take it Easy, the original was better but the comp was acting up so this ones not to bad.
Rip Ed Bradley KAPsi Chapter Invisible
Thursday, November 09, 2006
Your Mother's An Astronaut....
Que Pasa Homies and Homettes
And if she is, you should be damn proud!! I never got that part of White Men Can't Jump... If my moms was an astronaut that would be a good thing in my book. Just think she works for NASA and gets to go to Jupiter and gets paid. But in my opinion NASA should be a bunch of pot-heads who tell me stuff that I don't need to know. All you ever hear NASA talk about is "You know that oxygen was found on Mars." What the fizuck? That is irrelevant man... Katrina kicked my peoples a**es, my peers are over in Iraq, and my little sister is almost 6 foot tall and you talking bout Mars. I'm far from political but doesn't NASA get a $1 billion/month to experiment? Unless Uranus has a cure for aids (no pun intended) then please shut the hell up.
There's no paticular reason for this but I just felt like rambling and that line is hilarious. He should have said your Mother's a janitor who wears underwear with the penis hole in 'em. Then that fool could have gotten mad for real. If I was playing ball and nucca came at me with some stuff I'd be like thanks man and she just got back from Pluto.
Another thing that bothers me at the current moment is the stereotype of the black man. My brothers bond and out, do you still think it's hard in America for us? Last night I was in Philly for class and I was out by 7-11, there are two stories I'm going to talk about , and one is not relevant to this topic happened. First before I go to class I usually stop by 7-11 and get a snack to hold me over for the boring lectures... So as usual I was walking and its dark and Philly is Philly and you have to be aware of your surroundings. These two "women" approach and see me, immediately pick up their pace and clutch each other, eyeballing me like I was just on America's Most Wanted. Now I had the fresh gear, of course, equipped with a hoodie to keep my head war cause it was cold. In my mind I was thinking: "The way your dressed you should be robbing me, cheap scaliwags. " I wasn't offended but it amused me and got me thru class knowing that an educated black man is still America's biggest fear.
Then there were these two punk rockers?(think Marylin Manson and Another Makeup wearing freak) One was sitting outside waiting for something and the other was in the store and even passed the guy walking in. So Punk Rocker #1 (PR#1, Disclaimer In no way does PR # 1 or #2 refer to the beautiful women and hilarious men of Puerto Rico) pays for his stuff and exits the store. I'm like 2 people back in line and Punk Rocker #2 got up from his post. Its dark once you walk around the corner towards the dumpster so I'm assuming that's where he was. PR#1 runs like helpless sissy to the window and begins to bang. He automatically assumes that the clerk is going to call for help or come outside. I laugh and think: "What a bitch?" So I exit the store and PR #2 is chasing PR# 1. He starts walking next to me like I was his bodyguard but I ain't pay him no mind. If PR #2 said something slick I would have guitar slammed his a** in to the concrete but he didn't and started yelling like those songs that you can't make out and then threw up some sort of rock on symbol. I was confused because there was nothing but air and opportunity between the two of them. Hilarious.
Anyways the recipe of the Week is on its way... Just got one more test then I plan on putting up my ideas and others. Stay blessed and remember that "there is no I in team but there is a meat, and meat can turn into a meat pie and there is definitely a I in pie."
And if she is, you should be damn proud!! I never got that part of White Men Can't Jump... If my moms was an astronaut that would be a good thing in my book. Just think she works for NASA and gets to go to Jupiter and gets paid. But in my opinion NASA should be a bunch of pot-heads who tell me stuff that I don't need to know. All you ever hear NASA talk about is "You know that oxygen was found on Mars." What the fizuck? That is irrelevant man... Katrina kicked my peoples a**es, my peers are over in Iraq, and my little sister is almost 6 foot tall and you talking bout Mars. I'm far from political but doesn't NASA get a $1 billion/month to experiment? Unless Uranus has a cure for aids (no pun intended) then please shut the hell up.
There's no paticular reason for this but I just felt like rambling and that line is hilarious. He should have said your Mother's a janitor who wears underwear with the penis hole in 'em. Then that fool could have gotten mad for real. If I was playing ball and nucca came at me with some stuff I'd be like thanks man and she just got back from Pluto.
Another thing that bothers me at the current moment is the stereotype of the black man. My brothers bond and out, do you still think it's hard in America for us? Last night I was in Philly for class and I was out by 7-11, there are two stories I'm going to talk about , and one is not relevant to this topic happened. First before I go to class I usually stop by 7-11 and get a snack to hold me over for the boring lectures... So as usual I was walking and its dark and Philly is Philly and you have to be aware of your surroundings. These two "women" approach and see me, immediately pick up their pace and clutch each other, eyeballing me like I was just on America's Most Wanted. Now I had the fresh gear, of course, equipped with a hoodie to keep my head war cause it was cold. In my mind I was thinking: "The way your dressed you should be robbing me, cheap scaliwags. " I wasn't offended but it amused me and got me thru class knowing that an educated black man is still America's biggest fear.
Then there were these two punk rockers?(think Marylin Manson and Another Makeup wearing freak) One was sitting outside waiting for something and the other was in the store and even passed the guy walking in. So Punk Rocker #1 (PR#1, Disclaimer In no way does PR # 1 or #2 refer to the beautiful women and hilarious men of Puerto Rico) pays for his stuff and exits the store. I'm like 2 people back in line and Punk Rocker #2 got up from his post. Its dark once you walk around the corner towards the dumpster so I'm assuming that's where he was. PR#1 runs like helpless sissy to the window and begins to bang. He automatically assumes that the clerk is going to call for help or come outside. I laugh and think: "What a bitch?" So I exit the store and PR #2 is chasing PR# 1. He starts walking next to me like I was his bodyguard but I ain't pay him no mind. If PR #2 said something slick I would have guitar slammed his a** in to the concrete but he didn't and started yelling like those songs that you can't make out and then threw up some sort of rock on symbol. I was confused because there was nothing but air and opportunity between the two of them. Hilarious.
Anyways the recipe of the Week is on its way... Just got one more test then I plan on putting up my ideas and others. Stay blessed and remember that "there is no I in team but there is a meat, and meat can turn into a meat pie and there is definitely a I in pie."
Wednesday, November 08, 2006
Kids Are Bad
Aloha (Hello)
I was sitting here thinking of all the bad a** kids I know... That's a lot. I mentor a kid, he claims he isn't bad but he got the least amount of gold stars in the school. Not the class, the school people! I am the only mentor in the school, but how is it the baddest kid? I coach football... these kids started off bad not listening, disrespectful, and arrogant. It was like gridiron gang or something. Some of the kids have a house arrest transmitter on their ankles and others think I'm they boy and can talk to me like we that cool. They have finally realized that they can't play football and started showing some respect. They have 3 straight going in to the playoffs.
My little sister is bad but not on her way to the Children's Correctional Facility. We were bad when we were kids but damn. So this brings me to today's story... On Monday I pick up my mentee in the afternoons. He goes to an all boys’ school for free and it’s really a better opportunity to get into any high school in the state. My job is simple... I think it’s to be a black male role model that has similar steps that his life has taken? I don't know what I'm doing that’s a good question tho. Anyway I pick up get the daily report and we go up to the mall to trade in his games and get him a new pair of shoes. The principal tells me he pulled over and helped some guy that got shot down the street. He's in the church so that's his obligation, and he asked me if I would stop and no kidding I said, "hell nah." Forgive me Jesus for disrespecting you and him.
Anyway Before we leave Brother Ed (the principal, Bred) comes out and tells some kids to get off the hill outside of the hill because 1) its private property and 2) they could hurt themselves. They all look up and one lil’ bastard (Yeah I said it...) (Shout out to Leon) yells... "Shut yo' white ass up!" Now this mckie fickie had the nerve to stop and stare. Okay Bred is white as a grain of rice covered in whiteout in a snowstorm but damn. The lil n*gga could have acted like he was walking home and then came back (what we would have done when we kids) but stood there like he wanted to throw hands. Bred laughed it off and my mentee and I laughed and he was like "I could whoop all those kids." He probably could because he's like 5'8 in the 6th grade.
I told him not much talking was done with the mouth but with our hands when we were kids (I felt like pops in Friday when he was telling Craig about boxing and surviving without a gun). He then hit with the rebuttal "Everybody got a gun nowadays." That’s so true so I'm going to take Bred's method of peace and laugh it off.
In closing some parents, none that read this blog, need to choke slam they kids sometimes. I'm all against child abuse but when you step out of line that's not child abuse its "LNGW" or a "Lil N*igga Getting Whooped." I'm passing around the donation basket at church next weekend for this marvelous foundation and you should do the same. The logo is a picture of your grandma with a Rollin pin in her hands and a bandanna wrapped around her head.
Aloha (Goodbye) Stay Blessed
"I will kick your kids a** for a fee of $5." --Jean Claude Van Dam
I was sitting here thinking of all the bad a** kids I know... That's a lot. I mentor a kid, he claims he isn't bad but he got the least amount of gold stars in the school. Not the class, the school people! I am the only mentor in the school, but how is it the baddest kid? I coach football... these kids started off bad not listening, disrespectful, and arrogant. It was like gridiron gang or something. Some of the kids have a house arrest transmitter on their ankles and others think I'm they boy and can talk to me like we that cool. They have finally realized that they can't play football and started showing some respect. They have 3 straight going in to the playoffs.
My little sister is bad but not on her way to the Children's Correctional Facility. We were bad when we were kids but damn. So this brings me to today's story... On Monday I pick up my mentee in the afternoons. He goes to an all boys’ school for free and it’s really a better opportunity to get into any high school in the state. My job is simple... I think it’s to be a black male role model that has similar steps that his life has taken? I don't know what I'm doing that’s a good question tho. Anyway I pick up get the daily report and we go up to the mall to trade in his games and get him a new pair of shoes. The principal tells me he pulled over and helped some guy that got shot down the street. He's in the church so that's his obligation, and he asked me if I would stop and no kidding I said, "hell nah." Forgive me Jesus for disrespecting you and him.
Anyway Before we leave Brother Ed (the principal, Bred) comes out and tells some kids to get off the hill outside of the hill because 1) its private property and 2) they could hurt themselves. They all look up and one lil’ bastard (Yeah I said it...) (Shout out to Leon) yells... "Shut yo' white ass up!" Now this mckie fickie had the nerve to stop and stare. Okay Bred is white as a grain of rice covered in whiteout in a snowstorm but damn. The lil n*gga could have acted like he was walking home and then came back (what we would have done when we kids) but stood there like he wanted to throw hands. Bred laughed it off and my mentee and I laughed and he was like "I could whoop all those kids." He probably could because he's like 5'8 in the 6th grade.
I told him not much talking was done with the mouth but with our hands when we were kids (I felt like pops in Friday when he was telling Craig about boxing and surviving without a gun). He then hit with the rebuttal "Everybody got a gun nowadays." That’s so true so I'm going to take Bred's method of peace and laugh it off.
In closing some parents, none that read this blog, need to choke slam they kids sometimes. I'm all against child abuse but when you step out of line that's not child abuse its "LNGW" or a "Lil N*igga Getting Whooped." I'm passing around the donation basket at church next weekend for this marvelous foundation and you should do the same. The logo is a picture of your grandma with a Rollin pin in her hands and a bandanna wrapped around her head.
Aloha (Goodbye) Stay Blessed
"I will kick your kids a** for a fee of $5." --Jean Claude Van Dam
Salute of the Week: The Joke Bandit
"step back and catch my amazing graces..."
So here we go again, as I look for some consistency with the blog I bring you the second installation of "Salute of the Week". So without further ado, I would like to salute the Joke bandit. You know who you are the mofo who steals other peoples jokes and then when you repeat them you mess the whole damn thing up. Now I take a joke from people all the time (I did it yesterday) but you rehearse the joke so one you don't mess it up and two it's actually funny. Somebody at the restaurant was telling a joke in the private dining room. I was in there filling glasses with water and dude was trying to tell a joke. Maybe he was nervous or maybe he knew his joke was crap. Because hearing crickets at the end of the joke is one of the saddest American tragedies yet.
Dude had erybodies attention in the room and was sweating like a pig at a luau. In my mind: Get your bearings man, your embarassing yourself. Then the moment of truth the punchline and I just didn't hear crickets I think I heard a hearbeat, a pin drop, and a humming bird outside the window (Shout out to Ray Charles). Guy was God awful but he laughed and hit everybody with the "Oh, man" and nudging the guy next to him. He was then given the pity laugh with some eyes rolling and snickering. I think it was a group dinner party with him being the blind date to another girl. She left at one point and used the phone saying she wanted to leave. Classic. Plus it's not like public speaking man, your surronded by a couple of drunks. So Mr. or Mrs. Joke Bandit give it up until you get it right and with that I Salute you.
Joke For Dat A*s:
There was an octupus who was an amazing musican who was challenged by all types of people. So a lady brings in a guitar and the octupus fiddles with it for a few seconds puts it in tune and jams out like Santana. This guy brings in a trumpet figures out how to do it and jams like a true Miles Davis. So then this Scottish guy brings in bag pipes and he fiddles with it and looks at it and just can't figure it out... So after like two hours the Scottish guy stands up and says I got you didn't I... The octupus says no I've been trying to f*ck her for the past 2 hours. Corny but you know that's funny...
Bonus:
One day there were three people. Their names were Manners, Trouble and Shutup. One day they were playing hide and seek. Manners got a tummy ache so hewent to the toilet. Trouble was hiding. Shut up was finding Trouble when hemet a policeman.
The policeman said, "What is your name?""Shut up!"The policeman replied, "Are you looking for trouble?""Yes!"The policeman fumed, "Where are your manners?""In the toilet."
"this courtroom sure is cold, can I get my gloves back..." OJ Simpson.
Recipie on the way, paitence grasshoppers.
So here we go again, as I look for some consistency with the blog I bring you the second installation of "Salute of the Week". So without further ado, I would like to salute the Joke bandit. You know who you are the mofo who steals other peoples jokes and then when you repeat them you mess the whole damn thing up. Now I take a joke from people all the time (I did it yesterday) but you rehearse the joke so one you don't mess it up and two it's actually funny. Somebody at the restaurant was telling a joke in the private dining room. I was in there filling glasses with water and dude was trying to tell a joke. Maybe he was nervous or maybe he knew his joke was crap. Because hearing crickets at the end of the joke is one of the saddest American tragedies yet.
Dude had erybodies attention in the room and was sweating like a pig at a luau. In my mind: Get your bearings man, your embarassing yourself. Then the moment of truth the punchline and I just didn't hear crickets I think I heard a hearbeat, a pin drop, and a humming bird outside the window (Shout out to Ray Charles). Guy was God awful but he laughed and hit everybody with the "Oh, man" and nudging the guy next to him. He was then given the pity laugh with some eyes rolling and snickering. I think it was a group dinner party with him being the blind date to another girl. She left at one point and used the phone saying she wanted to leave. Classic. Plus it's not like public speaking man, your surronded by a couple of drunks. So Mr. or Mrs. Joke Bandit give it up until you get it right and with that I Salute you.
Joke For Dat A*s:
There was an octupus who was an amazing musican who was challenged by all types of people. So a lady brings in a guitar and the octupus fiddles with it for a few seconds puts it in tune and jams out like Santana. This guy brings in a trumpet figures out how to do it and jams like a true Miles Davis. So then this Scottish guy brings in bag pipes and he fiddles with it and looks at it and just can't figure it out... So after like two hours the Scottish guy stands up and says I got you didn't I... The octupus says no I've been trying to f*ck her for the past 2 hours. Corny but you know that's funny...
Bonus:
One day there were three people. Their names were Manners, Trouble and Shutup. One day they were playing hide and seek. Manners got a tummy ache so hewent to the toilet. Trouble was hiding. Shut up was finding Trouble when hemet a policeman.
The policeman said, "What is your name?""Shut up!"The policeman replied, "Are you looking for trouble?""Yes!"The policeman fumed, "Where are your manners?""In the toilet."
"this courtroom sure is cold, can I get my gloves back..." OJ Simpson.
Recipie on the way, paitence grasshoppers.
Tuesday, November 07, 2006
I Salute You: Salute of the Week
What a static filled week. Its only three days but still... Anyways let me start off by saying I hope you vote today!
Well the title is self-explanatory. Each week from now on instead of a possible quote I want to give a salute of the week. Those commercials that say, " We Salute you Mr. Janitor who cleans the stalls..." or whatever has inspired these posts.
First up: Mr. and Mrs. Irrelevant Tattoo:
Now must of us know somebody or know somebody that knows somebody who has a lame a** tattoo. Okay examples of lame tattoos are the generic one you find on the wall and say: "I want that one" Plain and simple the barb wire around the bicep, the butterfly above the vagina, the Chinese symbol on the left arm and the Hawaiian symbol on the lower back are tired and have no originality. When I say originality have the artist put a twist to it. The mofo can draw, hopefully.
Okay the barbwire is all too cliché. It is typical for the muscle head in the weight room to bare this tattoo. Why? What the hell does that mean. Do you automatically become tough when you put this tattoo on. Or maybe its a secret society of men who climb fences and try to grab the wire purposely. Lame a**es.
Now the butterfly above the vagina. Like be butterflies die in three days. Is that describing our relationship? More than likely because what does this lame a** 3 day old creature mean. Are you telling the world that you and another 1 million college "females" are caterpillars who broke the mold and grew? No you’re just saying “I have no real artistic side so I saw this chick at the beach who had this same tattoo and it looked good on her”. That jus opened your inner lesbianism and the butterfly turns into a eagle after years of drinking and birth control.
The Chinese symbol. Now that's too easy. Do you speak let alone write Chinese? Probably not, you’re a typical American who doesn't learn anything outside of any town, USA... Be real, now you wonder why the dry cleaning man laughs at you when you wear your wife beater to drop off clothes.... You think: Wisdom He reads: Dumb retard that rode the short bus. You ever watch a kung fu flick? They say like forty words when the subtitle says "the goat was good". Think that symbol means a mythological story of an ex ruler who took it up the butt.
My favorite has to be the best because it will tell a story to your grandchildren... Grandma was a freak. The lower back with a bulls eye mark is another symbol or something that has no specific meaning. The Hawaiian symbol was a good example but be real it usually a rose, zodiac sign (be more creative), or a heart with your name. Personally reading material is not needed when having sex, if you know what I mean ;-) but yea its a good defining way to prove you got them draws.
So in the long run add a twist to your tats... I have the utmost security that no one has my 4 current and 4 future tats and if they do they are of an elite class.
So I salute you Mr. And Mrs. Irrelevant tattoo.
Bonus: the paw prints. Did a cub rape you?
Peace up Alabama Down.
Well the title is self-explanatory. Each week from now on instead of a possible quote I want to give a salute of the week. Those commercials that say, " We Salute you Mr. Janitor who cleans the stalls..." or whatever has inspired these posts.
First up: Mr. and Mrs. Irrelevant Tattoo:
Now must of us know somebody or know somebody that knows somebody who has a lame a** tattoo. Okay examples of lame tattoos are the generic one you find on the wall and say: "I want that one" Plain and simple the barb wire around the bicep, the butterfly above the vagina, the Chinese symbol on the left arm and the Hawaiian symbol on the lower back are tired and have no originality. When I say originality have the artist put a twist to it. The mofo can draw, hopefully.
Okay the barbwire is all too cliché. It is typical for the muscle head in the weight room to bare this tattoo. Why? What the hell does that mean. Do you automatically become tough when you put this tattoo on. Or maybe its a secret society of men who climb fences and try to grab the wire purposely. Lame a**es.
Now the butterfly above the vagina. Like be butterflies die in three days. Is that describing our relationship? More than likely because what does this lame a** 3 day old creature mean. Are you telling the world that you and another 1 million college "females" are caterpillars who broke the mold and grew? No you’re just saying “I have no real artistic side so I saw this chick at the beach who had this same tattoo and it looked good on her”. That jus opened your inner lesbianism and the butterfly turns into a eagle after years of drinking and birth control.
The Chinese symbol. Now that's too easy. Do you speak let alone write Chinese? Probably not, you’re a typical American who doesn't learn anything outside of any town, USA... Be real, now you wonder why the dry cleaning man laughs at you when you wear your wife beater to drop off clothes.... You think: Wisdom He reads: Dumb retard that rode the short bus. You ever watch a kung fu flick? They say like forty words when the subtitle says "the goat was good". Think that symbol means a mythological story of an ex ruler who took it up the butt.
My favorite has to be the best because it will tell a story to your grandchildren... Grandma was a freak. The lower back with a bulls eye mark is another symbol or something that has no specific meaning. The Hawaiian symbol was a good example but be real it usually a rose, zodiac sign (be more creative), or a heart with your name. Personally reading material is not needed when having sex, if you know what I mean ;-) but yea its a good defining way to prove you got them draws.
So in the long run add a twist to your tats... I have the utmost security that no one has my 4 current and 4 future tats and if they do they are of an elite class.
So I salute you Mr. And Mrs. Irrelevant tattoo.
Bonus: the paw prints. Did a cub rape you?
Peace up Alabama Down.
Monday, November 06, 2006
I am Not a Damn Embarassment
Salutations... This weekend was crazy as usual and there's always something that I got to talk about. Well yesterday I was chillen' watching the game and my pops called me talking some crazy junk about how he was stuck and needed my help getting his car out. Whenever there is a family memebr in trouble or a friend I never hesitate to jump to their assitance. So my dad called about... lets say 30x before I got to where he was.
I get there and I look at his car with amazement... I was puzzled. Okay imagine a curb with dirt on one side and pavement on the other. I guess you can call it an unpaved shoulder or sidewalk. I don't know but my pops drove half way down this thing and got the car stuck on top of the curb.His excuse was the sun, my reasoning was "you can't drive."I was amazed that he made it that far but I immeaditely thought: "What was this n*igga doing?" I never called pops that but It was that type of moment.
My little sister jumped out and said : "I'm alive I'm alive." Like she was in a traumatizing event. That was funny in itself. I stood there puzzeled like why you call me instead of a tow truck company. So he came up with this bright idea (probably his Jamican voodoo or something) of me lining my bumper with his and pushing him off the curb. Another: "N*gga what?" moment, then I complied beacuse it was his car. So I did as he wished and the car didn't budge. In my mind: "I knew that s*hit wasn't going to work."
So he called triple A and called a tow truck company. So being the hero I am, I took my little sister to her birthday party or whatever the hell that was at an ice skating rink. Now as you probably already know I was the only 'brother' there. I looked like a lazy a** degenerate that does nothing productive daily and shouldn't have been out in public. That's all my little sister needs for the other parents to see her under dressed criminal looking brother at her birthday party.
So she asked me loud and clear : "Can you skate with me?" With that face I would rob a bank...(Please note that she would never ask me to rob a bank but if she did I would). So I coughed up the five dollars and got a rental. Now I rushed out of the house and didn't put on any socks. My mama has taught me all too well two things... "Always have socks and keep your underwear clean because you don't want the ambulance to see you like that." Unlike the bowling alley and the roller rink there are no socks for purchase or to have. Because they don't expect their "suburbanites" to come out with out them. Oh, I was expecting to be ice skating yesterday It was my number one event planned for the weekend. Yeah so I went barefoot, they were clean, I took a shower.
The rental lady was pleasant and plump and told me to lace 'em up. Now I roller skated when I was younger, that's all you could do at age 12 on a Saturday night and once in college at a party my team mates broke up, but this junk felt anything but wood. Now I see why brothers are limited in the NHL and there's like 1 figure skater that looks like she could hold a beat (if you know what I mean). So as soon as I get the skates on, adult ski only... word, less people but everybody is looking at my non-skating a**. First try is like walking for the first time... little bit of movement, timber. And instead of a new born tree this was like a major evergreen. I'm tough tho, it didn't hurt. So i got back up and tried again.
This one jerkoff parent did this Kristi Yamazuke spin in front of me to show off. What a wang, you think your daughter is proud that her daddy can out skate Nancy Kerrigan. Wait til she gets older and your still doing that stuff, bilimia, piercings and a Mexican boyfriend named Ricoare soon to follow because of her hyper father. So this other guy rolls by or skates by... and wheeeees and laughs at me... gay mofo. The other moms saw me fall and were like are you okay. They grabbed my hand but I urged them to let go because one tree falling is better than three. So they did and skated off like pros. See I've never been to a white kids birthday party. Its seems alot better than pizza hut or chucky cheese. The parents seem so pleasent and chipper. So I pass my little sister and she looks me dead in the eye and says " Stop!" I was like damn what I do.
Now they set the kids free and I was like Awwwww Sh*t. More people = More trouble for me. And some of these kids were worse than me falling hard as hell. So I made it around and my little sister was like " Stop, get off, your embarrasing me!" I was like damn what I do, then I thought no one knows we're together, go head about your business, midget. So I made 1 1/2 trips around without falling and was quite proud. So I took a seat and watched everyone else buss they a**es. It was comedy, should have taken pictures but didn't want to be extra.
In closing, let me say this skating thing got's me motivated to learn how to do it... I have a new found respect for white guys with no teeth that slap around a black puck. Also for women who wear skankalicious clothing on the ice and gay men who have a reason to wear glittered clothing in public. Its quite admirable, that junk is hard. But I'm kind of old to be trying something that requires skill like that. If I was in Highschool I would call MTV and be on Made or soemthing because no one expects that. Well that was a good expierement, My ankles are sore as hell too. I'll leave the hockey watching to drunk rednecks and figure skating fans to people who drink coco and wear turtle necks.
Chunk up the deuce.
I get there and I look at his car with amazement... I was puzzled. Okay imagine a curb with dirt on one side and pavement on the other. I guess you can call it an unpaved shoulder or sidewalk. I don't know but my pops drove half way down this thing and got the car stuck on top of the curb.His excuse was the sun, my reasoning was "you can't drive."I was amazed that he made it that far but I immeaditely thought: "What was this n*igga doing?" I never called pops that but It was that type of moment.
My little sister jumped out and said : "I'm alive I'm alive." Like she was in a traumatizing event. That was funny in itself. I stood there puzzeled like why you call me instead of a tow truck company. So he came up with this bright idea (probably his Jamican voodoo or something) of me lining my bumper with his and pushing him off the curb. Another: "N*gga what?" moment, then I complied beacuse it was his car. So I did as he wished and the car didn't budge. In my mind: "I knew that s*hit wasn't going to work."
So he called triple A and called a tow truck company. So being the hero I am, I took my little sister to her birthday party or whatever the hell that was at an ice skating rink. Now as you probably already know I was the only 'brother' there. I looked like a lazy a** degenerate that does nothing productive daily and shouldn't have been out in public. That's all my little sister needs for the other parents to see her under dressed criminal looking brother at her birthday party.
So she asked me loud and clear : "Can you skate with me?" With that face I would rob a bank...(Please note that she would never ask me to rob a bank but if she did I would). So I coughed up the five dollars and got a rental. Now I rushed out of the house and didn't put on any socks. My mama has taught me all too well two things... "Always have socks and keep your underwear clean because you don't want the ambulance to see you like that." Unlike the bowling alley and the roller rink there are no socks for purchase or to have. Because they don't expect their "suburbanites" to come out with out them. Oh, I was expecting to be ice skating yesterday It was my number one event planned for the weekend. Yeah so I went barefoot, they were clean, I took a shower.
The rental lady was pleasant and plump and told me to lace 'em up. Now I roller skated when I was younger, that's all you could do at age 12 on a Saturday night and once in college at a party my team mates broke up, but this junk felt anything but wood. Now I see why brothers are limited in the NHL and there's like 1 figure skater that looks like she could hold a beat (if you know what I mean). So as soon as I get the skates on, adult ski only... word, less people but everybody is looking at my non-skating a**. First try is like walking for the first time... little bit of movement, timber. And instead of a new born tree this was like a major evergreen. I'm tough tho, it didn't hurt. So i got back up and tried again.
This one jerkoff parent did this Kristi Yamazuke spin in front of me to show off. What a wang, you think your daughter is proud that her daddy can out skate Nancy Kerrigan. Wait til she gets older and your still doing that stuff, bilimia, piercings and a Mexican boyfriend named Ricoare soon to follow because of her hyper father. So this other guy rolls by or skates by... and wheeeees and laughs at me... gay mofo. The other moms saw me fall and were like are you okay. They grabbed my hand but I urged them to let go because one tree falling is better than three. So they did and skated off like pros. See I've never been to a white kids birthday party. Its seems alot better than pizza hut or chucky cheese. The parents seem so pleasent and chipper. So I pass my little sister and she looks me dead in the eye and says " Stop!" I was like damn what I do.
Now they set the kids free and I was like Awwwww Sh*t. More people = More trouble for me. And some of these kids were worse than me falling hard as hell. So I made it around and my little sister was like " Stop, get off, your embarrasing me!" I was like damn what I do, then I thought no one knows we're together, go head about your business, midget. So I made 1 1/2 trips around without falling and was quite proud. So I took a seat and watched everyone else buss they a**es. It was comedy, should have taken pictures but didn't want to be extra.
In closing, let me say this skating thing got's me motivated to learn how to do it... I have a new found respect for white guys with no teeth that slap around a black puck. Also for women who wear skankalicious clothing on the ice and gay men who have a reason to wear glittered clothing in public. Its quite admirable, that junk is hard. But I'm kind of old to be trying something that requires skill like that. If I was in Highschool I would call MTV and be on Made or soemthing because no one expects that. Well that was a good expierement, My ankles are sore as hell too. I'll leave the hockey watching to drunk rednecks and figure skating fans to people who drink coco and wear turtle necks.
Chunk up the deuce.
Friday, November 03, 2006
Got to stay Fresh!
A year has passed and I can celebrate so much...
1. I've had my marketing job for a year
2. I've had my restaurant job for a year
3.I've been in culinary school for a year
4.I am one bad a** mofo for the past 23 years and 7 months.
But besides all that I need a revamping (?). I've been doing the same junk every week of every month the same.
I was sitting in class last night and I wanted to pull a "get yo hand at my pocket" moment and storm out. I was bored... My life seems like it’s passing by with no progress just the same weekly routines. I mentor, coach, work, and go to school. And my abs are back in full effect from their temporary beer vacay. That's a lot of hats and not once have I complained because I can quit all of them but I'm bored...
See white people do drastic stuff whenever they need change so that’s one page I'm not going to take out of their book plus I ain't got any money. But one thing I'm going to do is quit the restaurant job. I need my weekends back and I don't want to be there anymore. A year's enough and a lot anyway. I want to concentrate on my cooking because that restaurant is a job I want culinary to be my career. I feel that I haven't taken this serious and I spend too much money not to.
Now I wish I had one job that paid enough and was what I wanted to do and gave me time to grow as a person outside of the job but that's not my ideal profession. I like that parable or story or whatever about the Bulls:
There was a young bull and an old bull at the top of the mountain. As they stared down at the hills the young bull said lets run down and bang some of those cows. The older, wiser bull said lets walk and bang them all...
I was the young bull this past year and boy are my legs tired (j/k)... I want to be the wiser bull and walk now. My job is just that my job. My career is something greater. Now there is no quit in me... I've never folded but I have moved on. There is no present challenge that I'm not willing to face; I guess that's why I'm doing this.
My income will decrease that means no fresh shoes for a while but that's the life I choose. Stay classy San Diego and have a good weekend.
A wise man once said: "the"
1. I've had my marketing job for a year
2. I've had my restaurant job for a year
3.I've been in culinary school for a year
4.I am one bad a** mofo for the past 23 years and 7 months.
But besides all that I need a revamping (?). I've been doing the same junk every week of every month the same.
I was sitting in class last night and I wanted to pull a "get yo hand at my pocket" moment and storm out. I was bored... My life seems like it’s passing by with no progress just the same weekly routines. I mentor, coach, work, and go to school. And my abs are back in full effect from their temporary beer vacay. That's a lot of hats and not once have I complained because I can quit all of them but I'm bored...
See white people do drastic stuff whenever they need change so that’s one page I'm not going to take out of their book plus I ain't got any money. But one thing I'm going to do is quit the restaurant job. I need my weekends back and I don't want to be there anymore. A year's enough and a lot anyway. I want to concentrate on my cooking because that restaurant is a job I want culinary to be my career. I feel that I haven't taken this serious and I spend too much money not to.
Now I wish I had one job that paid enough and was what I wanted to do and gave me time to grow as a person outside of the job but that's not my ideal profession. I like that parable or story or whatever about the Bulls:
There was a young bull and an old bull at the top of the mountain. As they stared down at the hills the young bull said lets run down and bang some of those cows. The older, wiser bull said lets walk and bang them all...
I was the young bull this past year and boy are my legs tired (j/k)... I want to be the wiser bull and walk now. My job is just that my job. My career is something greater. Now there is no quit in me... I've never folded but I have moved on. There is no present challenge that I'm not willing to face; I guess that's why I'm doing this.
My income will decrease that means no fresh shoes for a while but that's the life I choose. Stay classy San Diego and have a good weekend.
A wise man once said: "the"
I'm Gonna Get you Sucka
Well I found a picture of the mofo who stole my stereo and knife. Be on the look out for a male 5'12- 6'8 , 130- 310 lbs., wearing a white tee and blue jeans. He is known to go by Chauncey... He has a barb wire tattoo and a rose with his cat's name, Petunia, on his left bicep. He is said to speak with a thick Delaware accent and tends to studdard when excited He has a I love lamp shirt with some timberlands his moms let him borrow. Since he has my knife he is considered to be armed and dangerous. He has no car let alone a set of headphones, he enjoys listening to D4L and Tony Bennent. so be on the look out for a punk a** mofo with a stereo looking to sell it for some crack. If you have seen this man proceed with complete confidence of whoopin' his ass. and call 1 800 SNITCH. Thanks Y'all
2 fingers up
Thursday, November 02, 2006
Have you said Hi to Gene Lately?
Greetings Advocators... mostly people... What's happening. Well I just want to emphasize the importance of washing yo' a**. I heard on the radio today only 75% of Americans wash from head to toe. Well I'm not one of them because clearly I scrub the bottom of my foot too. I sit back here with kind of a writer's block... Funny stuff happens to me but I just forget until later. But this junk is not funny.
Wash yo’ a**. That's a good way to start every paragraph just to emphasize the point. I look at people and observe their actions all the time. Now there are no co-workers who read this so, I'mma talk about they ass. My feet are no Da Vinci or what every but I keep them lotion-end. There is a lately in the office whose feet look like she been kickboxing chalkboards. Yo, her customs are of a different hemisphere but lady rock open toed shoes the wrong way and you shall be clowned.
Wash yo a**. Now there's a new guy during my day job that has a scent of a dump truck late in the afternoon. I don't talk to him much but he just asked my sister if she had a plunger. I plan on holding my piss for the rest of the day, enough said. Out of the 5 men that work in the office 3 wash their hands before exiting the bathroom (That I know of). Don't shake my hand.
Wash yo a**. Clearly Hygiene is important to me. I keep a pack of gum in the car, club, work, whatever because you can't always get to a toothbrush. Especially in the club. I've had women ask me for my number in the club and this usually lands at the 1 o’clock 2 o’clock hour. That means they weave is sweat they pits are harsh and there breath is quite tart. Now don't get me wrong I can spell my breath when its funky but that's when a pack of orbits immediately discharges in my mouth (pause). You get what I'm saying because whispers aren't supposed to stink. And you shouldn't smell thru your ears. So in closing I just want to say, brush your teeth 3 times a day, floss every night, wash your face between hibernations, and get every crevice possible on your body. In other words...
Wash yo a***
Also by the suggestion of one of my loyal readers (chuckle) I will be posting recipes of the week. I am trying to be a chef. Look for one next week and every week after that because before I tell someone to do something I want to do it myself. Shout out to Miss C. Smith :-)
Also tell your friends about the blog. And leave a comment, stop sending emails. Keep it funky but Wash yo a**
Wash yo’ a**. That's a good way to start every paragraph just to emphasize the point. I look at people and observe their actions all the time. Now there are no co-workers who read this so, I'mma talk about they ass. My feet are no Da Vinci or what every but I keep them lotion-end. There is a lately in the office whose feet look like she been kickboxing chalkboards. Yo, her customs are of a different hemisphere but lady rock open toed shoes the wrong way and you shall be clowned.
Wash yo a**. Now there's a new guy during my day job that has a scent of a dump truck late in the afternoon. I don't talk to him much but he just asked my sister if she had a plunger. I plan on holding my piss for the rest of the day, enough said. Out of the 5 men that work in the office 3 wash their hands before exiting the bathroom (That I know of). Don't shake my hand.
Wash yo a**. Clearly Hygiene is important to me. I keep a pack of gum in the car, club, work, whatever because you can't always get to a toothbrush. Especially in the club. I've had women ask me for my number in the club and this usually lands at the 1 o’clock 2 o’clock hour. That means they weave is sweat they pits are harsh and there breath is quite tart. Now don't get me wrong I can spell my breath when its funky but that's when a pack of orbits immediately discharges in my mouth (pause). You get what I'm saying because whispers aren't supposed to stink. And you shouldn't smell thru your ears. So in closing I just want to say, brush your teeth 3 times a day, floss every night, wash your face between hibernations, and get every crevice possible on your body. In other words...
Wash yo a***
Also by the suggestion of one of my loyal readers (chuckle) I will be posting recipes of the week. I am trying to be a chef. Look for one next week and every week after that because before I tell someone to do something I want to do it myself. Shout out to Miss C. Smith :-)
Also tell your friends about the blog. And leave a comment, stop sending emails. Keep it funky but Wash yo a**
Wednesday, November 01, 2006
That Damn Meter Maid
I had a chance to take out the nusance of the 100 block of Mkt street Wilmington DE. But it would be a worthless crime because then she would be replaced by some other rookie who was hungry to piss off somebody else's day. She crossed on my green light and I could have sent her away but thought of a crime is a crime anyway so this story is completey fictional. I don't even have a job in this story because if she does end up hurt or dead, I don't want the conspiracy to come back to me.
I think I'm gonna start riding the bus but that cost just as much money as gas. I would ride a bike but there's no route you could take that would be safe and I'd be damned if you caught me in a helmet. Thats the only options we got round here. Or somebody could pick me up but what if I want or have to leave... lose lose situation. The parking lot is too damn expensive nowadays and probably going to get worse so I opted out of that contract.
Today is also a joyous day... I have held not one but two jobs for a year. Thats saying a whole lot when it comes to me and work. Prior to this I worked at a restaurant for like 8 months and quit cause I was lazy. The other jobs no more than 3 months and that like 20 jobs. Well I do own the hotdog cart and thats like 1 year and 5 months so I guess I just lied. Yea and I do own a hotdog cart, don't be hating. Nothing much to talk about. Oh yea got my car back this week and driving around with head phones is wack. I used to look at people like that and laugh, now I'm my own joke. Also what's up with this damn weather? Global Warming or what.
Keep it Funky!
Shout out to Monday Night :-)
I think I'm gonna start riding the bus but that cost just as much money as gas. I would ride a bike but there's no route you could take that would be safe and I'd be damned if you caught me in a helmet. Thats the only options we got round here. Or somebody could pick me up but what if I want or have to leave... lose lose situation. The parking lot is too damn expensive nowadays and probably going to get worse so I opted out of that contract.
Today is also a joyous day... I have held not one but two jobs for a year. Thats saying a whole lot when it comes to me and work. Prior to this I worked at a restaurant for like 8 months and quit cause I was lazy. The other jobs no more than 3 months and that like 20 jobs. Well I do own the hotdog cart and thats like 1 year and 5 months so I guess I just lied. Yea and I do own a hotdog cart, don't be hating. Nothing much to talk about. Oh yea got my car back this week and driving around with head phones is wack. I used to look at people like that and laugh, now I'm my own joke. Also what's up with this damn weather? Global Warming or what.
Keep it Funky!
Shout out to Monday Night :-)
Non- Subliminal/ Non Incriminating Pictures
I don't want or need to send any subliminal messages so shout out to Friday, Saturday, and Sunday Morning they were all good times... I guess you can say Saturday Night/ Sunday Morning....
Picture of WSSU bus, I didn't take a picture of me leaking a uno on it but I did cause I was drunk.
Picture of WSSU bus, I didn't take a picture of me leaking a uno on it but I did cause I was drunk.
This car looks like a golf cart but It was actually in traffic. We believe Mercedes made it... An Asian guy was driving it, they are always up on the technology. I'll Post later as well....Holla
Tuesday, October 31, 2006
I Forgot Today was Halloween
Whaddup. I forgot that today was Halloween but went to my little sister's school for their little "parade". All the kids were dressed up and even some of the teachers/faculty participated. A lot of things caught my eye and a lot of things had me thinking hard.
So at one point I was standing by myself and these two ladies came up to me and thought I was just a lonely dad. In my mind I was thinking: I ain't got no damn kids but I quickly responded that my little sister was the reason for the season. White people are so chipper in the morning. I can't deal with people well until I have my cinnabon.
Now on to the costumes. Some kids or parents are real creative, originality was off the hook. I was feeling the kid that was an ipod. That took thought down to every detail. Even the kid who had incorporated his sprain ankle in to the costume. Then came the Negro moments. This one kid had a stop-snatching shirt. His parents were wrong for that. The other little boy who had a red with zebra trim pimp costume can't even explain that to his teacher.
The funniest part of the whole thing to me is the black folks who whipped out the camera phone and started flashing away. The white people all had there high tech digital cameras with the video and super extra sleek slim Sony’s. Picture it little Roquon walking in his pimp suit and dad whips out the New Crack berry to take a picture while Amanda's dad Bob whips his new JVC mobile home theater out to tape this monumenotus occasion. Some people’s parents forgot that they had to dress up and sent them to school with a suit (Donald Trump), an apron (Cheap Super Hero), Glasses (Harry Potter), A vote for Pedro shirt (Napoleon Dynamite) or baseball hat (I don’t know what he was) Maybe cause I'm not a parent, I wasn't into it. Halloween is just an excuse for card companies to capitalize on people who actually by cards.
My mom never wanted us to go trick or treating and I was never into it anyway. The one year we did me and my cousins wore hoodies and had big ol' trash bags to collect. That’s like a job and people probably were like "let me give this Negro some candy before he comes back later and robs me". The teachers that were dressed up were, I guess doing their job but come on, One teacher was dressed up as a woman. My thought is that confuses these kids man, knock it off Why is Mr. Smith dressed like my mom?. And the one teacher as a hippie. Now the kids are going to be like "What do hippies do?" and what you gonna say except medicinal experimentation person who sits in cornfields in the 70’s and protest for the rights of cats and monkeys. That was a funny morning. Now back to work. Everybody has a funny Halloween story... don't be afraid to share.
2 fingers Up.
So at one point I was standing by myself and these two ladies came up to me and thought I was just a lonely dad. In my mind I was thinking: I ain't got no damn kids but I quickly responded that my little sister was the reason for the season. White people are so chipper in the morning. I can't deal with people well until I have my cinnabon.
Now on to the costumes. Some kids or parents are real creative, originality was off the hook. I was feeling the kid that was an ipod. That took thought down to every detail. Even the kid who had incorporated his sprain ankle in to the costume. Then came the Negro moments. This one kid had a stop-snatching shirt. His parents were wrong for that. The other little boy who had a red with zebra trim pimp costume can't even explain that to his teacher.
The funniest part of the whole thing to me is the black folks who whipped out the camera phone and started flashing away. The white people all had there high tech digital cameras with the video and super extra sleek slim Sony’s. Picture it little Roquon walking in his pimp suit and dad whips out the New Crack berry to take a picture while Amanda's dad Bob whips his new JVC mobile home theater out to tape this monumenotus occasion. Some people’s parents forgot that they had to dress up and sent them to school with a suit (Donald Trump), an apron (Cheap Super Hero), Glasses (Harry Potter), A vote for Pedro shirt (Napoleon Dynamite) or baseball hat (I don’t know what he was) Maybe cause I'm not a parent, I wasn't into it. Halloween is just an excuse for card companies to capitalize on people who actually by cards.
My mom never wanted us to go trick or treating and I was never into it anyway. The one year we did me and my cousins wore hoodies and had big ol' trash bags to collect. That’s like a job and people probably were like "let me give this Negro some candy before he comes back later and robs me". The teachers that were dressed up were, I guess doing their job but come on, One teacher was dressed up as a woman. My thought is that confuses these kids man, knock it off Why is Mr. Smith dressed like my mom?. And the one teacher as a hippie. Now the kids are going to be like "What do hippies do?" and what you gonna say except medicinal experimentation person who sits in cornfields in the 70’s and protest for the rights of cats and monkeys. That was a funny morning. Now back to work. Everybody has a funny Halloween story... don't be afraid to share.
2 fingers Up.
Monday, October 30, 2006
Welcome Home 2006
Good day again my peoples...I was in a bad mood about the whole car situation last week but there were three things that made me feel better:
1. The old lady at path mark thought I was handsome and needed to smile.
2. The Coonery we call "Flavor of Love" had they reunion special.
3. Some of the best looking women God has to offer returned to Hampton U for homecoming.
Bonus: I took a piss on WSSU bus cuz they were staying at the same hotel where the party was this weekend. Post a pic later.
Anyways, the weekend went by pretty much calm. No true mishaps but a lot of why don't you call me type stuff. The typical answer to that was I got a new phone. But people who use that never follow up. So you got to say I got a new phone and didn't put all the numbers in yet.
Shout out to the football team who won 13-3. Don't want to be that old school mofo who be like when we was playing we used to blow 'em out at homecoming. It was a sloppy game but sloppy is better than a "pretty defeat". Shout out to Dr. D for letting us stay at her crib. Breakfast every morning and no checkout time.
The parties were a big mixture of either under-crowded or over-crowded. Exactly what I expected. There used to be years when there was nothing to do at homecoming, now it seemed like there was to much. Tried the party hoping thing but that seemed tiring after a while.
As for the people I saw and didn't: There were the typical people who always say hi, regardless of what's going down. Then there's the people who look at you then look away, then call you 5 minutes later and be like: "I saw you but you didn't see me" That's Hampton for you. Then there's the, “we really have nothing to talk about” folk. Like that cat you cheated off of in Calculus and got a better grade then. Or the summer fling that gives the HBCU hug, smiles and flashbacks of the fling come to mind. Or that janitor who was cool with everybody but you thank God he forgot your name because that would be embarrassing. Or the girl you had a crush on sees you and compliments you then flashes her engagement ring and you be like damn never mind. I wasn't reckless at all. I was a tamed animal. All in all I had good time... Shout out to all my Hamptonions past present and future. Also shout out to Friday night :-) and the extra phone call I got Sunday on the way home.
Leave some love and Stay blessed my peoples.
1. The old lady at path mark thought I was handsome and needed to smile.
2. The Coonery we call "Flavor of Love" had they reunion special.
3. Some of the best looking women God has to offer returned to Hampton U for homecoming.
Bonus: I took a piss on WSSU bus cuz they were staying at the same hotel where the party was this weekend. Post a pic later.
Anyways, the weekend went by pretty much calm. No true mishaps but a lot of why don't you call me type stuff. The typical answer to that was I got a new phone. But people who use that never follow up. So you got to say I got a new phone and didn't put all the numbers in yet.
Shout out to the football team who won 13-3. Don't want to be that old school mofo who be like when we was playing we used to blow 'em out at homecoming. It was a sloppy game but sloppy is better than a "pretty defeat". Shout out to Dr. D for letting us stay at her crib. Breakfast every morning and no checkout time.
The parties were a big mixture of either under-crowded or over-crowded. Exactly what I expected. There used to be years when there was nothing to do at homecoming, now it seemed like there was to much. Tried the party hoping thing but that seemed tiring after a while.
As for the people I saw and didn't: There were the typical people who always say hi, regardless of what's going down. Then there's the people who look at you then look away, then call you 5 minutes later and be like: "I saw you but you didn't see me" That's Hampton for you. Then there's the, “we really have nothing to talk about” folk. Like that cat you cheated off of in Calculus and got a better grade then. Or the summer fling that gives the HBCU hug, smiles and flashbacks of the fling come to mind. Or that janitor who was cool with everybody but you thank God he forgot your name because that would be embarrassing. Or the girl you had a crush on sees you and compliments you then flashes her engagement ring and you be like damn never mind. I wasn't reckless at all. I was a tamed animal. All in all I had good time... Shout out to all my Hamptonions past present and future. Also shout out to Friday night :-) and the extra phone call I got Sunday on the way home.
Leave some love and Stay blessed my peoples.
Quote of the Week
"She know she don't need to be wearing them applebottom jeans... that's a disgrace to applebottom." -James A.
Thursday, October 26, 2006
WHAT NOW?
Whaddup folks, ib here again and today I just wanted to touch on something that is going to effect the rest of my life. That’s right my career. Right now I have a job actually three and never would any of them be my career. I don't want to end up like one of my co-workers who have been serving since she was 12. Now she's 35. That would be a big disappointment. I definitely don't want to be sitting at this desk forever checking emails and crap.
So my question is, what now? I want to go off on a new business venture but with all the cost and monthly payments that occur, that is not happening any time soon. Right now I'm in a crossroads in making a decision that can and will affect my life. One path (the one I'm currently on) leads to freedom to do more. The other path has me going down the road to an eventual career. But I'm young I got the next 30 years to do my career. I should just stick with the job.
One of the Mexicans that work in the kitchen says I do too much. See, I finally figured out these damn Mexicans, they want all the jobs for themselves, its not that they want to do something the "brother man" won't do. There just like everybody else, they want you to be mediocre so you don't make them look bad. The misconception is that people think I'm doing too much but I'm probably not. I don't think I'm doing enough. I feel that I should be bigger than what I am now. I have the personality and charm (my hands are up, I'm not feeling myself) that can succeed to do great things. It’s just that the opportunity has made a pit stop at my doorstop as yet. So the answer is a simple cliché: Take one day at a time. If anyone reads this, no post tomorrow. Going back to my home by the sea for homecoming, guaranteed there would be a story to tell. So check me out on Monday. Stay blessed people.
ps. this whole car thing has got my schedule all messed up. I'm all over the place with my regular things and priorities all jacked up. Its not that the stereo and knife was a major lost but the after effects got me looking unorganized.
Out. ib
So my question is, what now? I want to go off on a new business venture but with all the cost and monthly payments that occur, that is not happening any time soon. Right now I'm in a crossroads in making a decision that can and will affect my life. One path (the one I'm currently on) leads to freedom to do more. The other path has me going down the road to an eventual career. But I'm young I got the next 30 years to do my career. I should just stick with the job.
One of the Mexicans that work in the kitchen says I do too much. See, I finally figured out these damn Mexicans, they want all the jobs for themselves, its not that they want to do something the "brother man" won't do. There just like everybody else, they want you to be mediocre so you don't make them look bad. The misconception is that people think I'm doing too much but I'm probably not. I don't think I'm doing enough. I feel that I should be bigger than what I am now. I have the personality and charm (my hands are up, I'm not feeling myself) that can succeed to do great things. It’s just that the opportunity has made a pit stop at my doorstop as yet. So the answer is a simple cliché: Take one day at a time. If anyone reads this, no post tomorrow. Going back to my home by the sea for homecoming, guaranteed there would be a story to tell. So check me out on Monday. Stay blessed people.
ps. this whole car thing has got my schedule all messed up. I'm all over the place with my regular things and priorities all jacked up. Its not that the stereo and knife was a major lost but the after effects got me looking unorganized.
Out. ib
That could be....
Can You guess what this is... a cruise to... the rubber duckey in your bath tub is at steak. And if you know don't spoil it.
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